sorry this one is so sad but i promise there's a happy ending lmao
prompt: growing up, y/n had not experienced love or someone caring for her, so when natasha comes along, she spoils her and shows her lots of love, but it's hard for y/n.
warnings: childhood trauma, mentions of sex, throwing up, panic attack
Y/NS POV
i never really opened up to anyone. growing up, my parents never cared about me. my dad hated me because i wasn't a boy, that's all he ever wanted. my mom always hated me because i was too much of an "inconvenience to her life" as she put it. so as you can imagine, when my little brother came along, he was my parents' pride and joy. i was the kid that always had mental health issues. i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at a young age. whereas my brother was perfect in their eyes. then, my parents had my baby sister. she was everything they had ever wanted. although my dad hated that i wasn't born as a boy, he loved my little sister more than anything. to him, she could do no wrong.
as i grew up, i resented my entire family. they made me feel like i was useless in the world. until i met natasha romanoff. the infamous black widow. tony had recruited me into the avengers after he saw my fighting skills and my attempts of helping the city. whether that be through stopping a house robbery or a shady man in an alley, i wanted to help the world. i wanted to have a purpose.
that was 3 years ago. since then, i've moved into the compound. i quickly became friends with everyone, but natasha and i had a special bond. it was like we've known each other for centuries.
fast forward to now, nat and i have been dating for 6 months. majority of nights i sleep in her room, my room is basically unoccupied at this point.
but i still find it hard to let myself feel loved. even though i know she cares about me, i always treat every day like it's the last day of our relationship. i have never had anyone in my life that loved me, so it feels scary. whenever she walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road, i feel like i should not be allowed to be protected. when we have sex and she attempts to get on top of me, i don't let her because if she sees me in that vulnerable state, she'll think it's stupid and leave me. when she asks how my day was, i lie and say it was good so she can't see how imperfect i am. what if when she sees my flaws, she begins to hate me? will my past affect our future?
"what's got you so deep in thought my love?" nat asks as she walks into our room and shuts the door behind her. i was so trapped in my own thoughts that i didn't even notice her.
"y/n/n? what's wrong baby?" she kneels in front of me and grabs my hands.
a tear slides down my cheek and i mentally curse at myself. her eyes soften and she leans up against the headboard, pulling me into her embrace with my head on her chest.
"talk to me, i know you're struggling and i can't let you go through this alone." she kisses my forehead.
"do you hate me?" my brain was scattered and the main sentence running through my head slipped out. i mumbled a few curse words under my breath and nat can tell i'm frustrated that i let that thought out. although she hates to see me in pain, i can tell she's glad i'm finally talking about my feelings with her. i begin to slap my arm as a coping mechanism to avoid her intense stare filled with concern.
"hey, no no, let's not do that lovebug." she grabs my hand and interlocks her fingers with mine.
"i could never hate you. you are my favorite person in every universe. i love you way more than i can put into words. did i do something to make you think that?" she softly speaks to comfort me more.
"never mind, just forget i brought this up, i'm gonna go take a shower." i attempt to avoid the conversation, but she holds me close to her.
"shhh, it's gonna be okay baby. but i need you to talk to me. tell me what's going on so i can help you."
i give in and let my brain spill out through my mouth.
"i don't think i deserve this nat. i don't deserve you. i don't know what love is, and i sure as hell don't think i'm doing it right. you deserve a girl that doesn't have nightmares every night, a girl that doesn't have a shitty upbringing that left her with mental issues. i don't want to make your life miserable, because i'm miserable." i pause and struggle to say the next part as my voice breaks.
"i think we should break up, i don't wanna make you feel like you have to love me out of pity. i love you but i don't want to hurt you." by the end i'm a sobbing mess and she has a couple tears running down her cheeks.
"that's where i draw the line. we are not breaking up baby. i want to be able to help you everyday. you are who i want to spend the rest of my life with. i'm so proud of you for opening up to me, but i know what i got myself into, so no breakup talk, okay?" nat holds me tight in her arms and i sit up more to put my face in her neck.
i sob into her neck and whisper things like "i'm so sorry" and "i love you" over and over again.
NATASHAS POV
"you're okay love, i'm right here. let go baby. let it all out." at this point she's crying so hard and screaming into my neck, but i just let her.
i quietly tell jarvis to soundproof the room and rub her back. after a few more minutes she still isn't calming down. i hear her begin to gag and struggle to breathe.
"breathe baby, breathe. you gotta try to calm down a bit." i tell her as she grabs onto my shirt for dear life.
"b-bathroom" she struggles out, so i carry her to the bathroom and place her in front of the toilet.
she starts to throw up as i rub her back and pull her hair back. a couple minutes pass and she leans back against the wall.
"n-nat i'm scared." she said as she recalls the severe panic attack and meltdown she just went through.
"i know my love, let's go lay in bed and relax okay? i bet you're exhausted." she nods and i carry her back to the bed after helping her brush her teeth.
she falls asleep on me almost instantly and i text wanda to bring me some things.
"hey, here's the makeup wipes, water, your laptop, and her teddy bear." she smiles sympathetically at y/n and sets the items on the bed. wanda is y/n's best friend so she's not oblivious to what's happening right now.
"i know you hate going into our minds, but can you see what she's dreaming of?" i ask and wanda nods.
"she's dreaming of you nat. you guys have a son and daughter, and you're both cooking dinner in the kitchen as the kids are running around, making you two laugh." i smile at the positive thoughts running through her brain.
"thank you wands." she nods and kisses us both on the head before shutting the door behind her.
i play with her hair and drift off the sleep, holding the love of my life.
THE NEXT MORNING
when i wake up, i see that y/n is still asleep.
i comb her hair back with my fingers and put it in a lose braid. she slowly opens her eyes and smiles at me.
"good morning angel." i whisper as she smiles into my neck.
"thank you for last night." she whispers and i rub her back.
"i would do anything for you." i reassure her.
10 YEARS LATER
from then on out, y/n talked to me when she had dark thoughts, allowed herself to be more vulnerable with me, and even let me take care of her. i could not be prouder of her improvement. turns out the "dream" that she had was actually a vision of the future.
now we sit in the kitchen, cooking, and watching our 2 year old son and 5 year old daughter play. i lean over and give my wife a kiss on the lips.
"i'm so proud of you." i say as she smiles.
