S1E20. Claire's Fiery Flirtation

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THE KNOT IN my stomach balled like a fist

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THE KNOT IN my stomach balled like a fist. Restlessness ate at my bones, begging to be released from my twitchy muscles. The lies were catching up with me. I told Jo we'd be all right, but I still wasn't sure if I believed it myself. 

Jo always said the first rule of lying was to believe the lie, but try as I might, the idea of me being Lady Claire Canterwell didn't sit right. Not when I knew I was actually just a college reject, and every step Jo and I made to get us back to where we came from felt like sealing the fate to my own doom.

I tried to escape the anxiety by wandering the castle, but it felt as if the walls were listening, ready to expose us. Expose me. Our threadbare plans, our lies, our identity as a whole – the world we came from would never be the wiser if we were executed for our treasonous existence in this world. Did our parents even know we were gone yet?

I wanted to talk to Jo, but I'd stopped myself before I even knocked on the door. She'd been so exhausted, so stressed – more stressed than I'd ever seen her... ever. The least I could do was let her sleep. I could get through my nerves on my own. I didn't have to rely on Jo for everything.

The cool air flowing through the drafty hallways coated my exposed skin. Winter was on the heels of the autumn air. Goosebumps ran along my arms and back as I listened to the gentle rustle of the trees through tall arching glass windows, and watched the colorful leaves float to the ground.

It was beautiful here. Surreal. Like something out of my very own dreams. Even though I knew Jo and I would have to back to our world eventually, I still wanted to enjoy this place with whatever time I had left. 

I wandered from room to room, careful to avoid the foot traffic of serving staff so I could ogle this castle unnoticed. The glittering finery from chandeliers, and exquisite paintings and statues, paired with the beautiful dress I wore swaying around my legs made everything feel so right and so wrong at the same time. So right because this place... This world had always been home for me. It felt wrong to leave it.

Of course I found the Great Hall. It was marked by two thrones sitting at the far end of the room, with benches flanking either chair. A long, green runner split the room in half. Peasants, prisoners, and fellow aristocrats would approach the royals there. A stone fireplace held a roaring blaze, cackling and sputtering at the left side of the room. The warmth should've drawn me in, but I found myself drifting to the grand floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked Norcrest on the other side instead.

Stars shone like diamonds in all different shapes and sizes and brightness. The castle, posted like a knight in the Ramdell mountains, overlooked Norcrest, symbolizing Larnwick's own version of my world's North Star. Elric once explained that this castle had been built to sit directly underneath the Twin Gaze, the only two fixed stars in the sky in this world, so that everyone could always find their way to safety.

In this castle, though, I was wondering where my stability and protection were. But I'd always been searching for that. Even in my world, I was constantly dodging landmines as the ground crumbled beneath me. The worst part was that Jo, the person I relied on to lead me through anything, would protect me from anything, didn't even know the truth about Stanford or the entirety of my home life. And now, she was crumbling too.

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