Never Ending Love

{1} Here with you

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It's been a month since our escape. And to be quite honest it might've been a physical escape, but we are all still mentally stuck in that room. That day. 

That moment...

The one person that has been having it the worst is Xavier. It has hurt my heart so much to wake up in the middle of the night daily to him sobbing uncontrollably. Even waking up to him yelling, and having nightmares. I try my best every night to get him back to sleep but it is useless. He's in pain.

Now we all walk around in our new home in the middle of the woods high up in the mountains of Texas tiredly. Deep, dark eyebags under all of our eyes. But in no way are any of our eyebags as dark as me and Xaviers. It seems like we barely get rest now.

On multiple occasions, Xavier has begged me to leave the room and rest away from him. I know he says it in worry about my rest but I refuse to leave his side in such a hard time. He needs me and I intend to be next to him for as long as it takes.

Forever if needed.

"Babe please eat something..." I brush the back of Xavier's hair as we all sit at the table in the morning. Xavier groans and stands up from the table. I sigh as I watch him walk down the hallway toward our room. "You're patient with him," Freya whispers from across the table making me look up at her. 

"Thank you for being here for us." She says, tears pooling in her eyes. God, I can't stand so much crying anymore. I hold my hand over hers on the table and smile. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." My words make her smile back and go continue to eat. 

Sam and Theo ate in silence like always. They had barely spoken for the past month. Though I understood I hoped they were comforting Freya enough. As much as I was with Xavier. 

"Excuse me." I clear my throat and stand from my seat, grabbing Xavier's plate of food in the process. I had to get him to eat at least a bite of his toast. I walk into our room and shut the door behind me. 

Our room had warm brown wood floors with beige walls. Our bed faced a stone fireplace with a tv mounted on the top. To the side of our bed was a large window looking out into the woods. I was thankful for the calming feeling the room gave off.

"Xavier?" I set the plate on the bedside table and look around the room looking for Xavier. "In here." I hear him call quietly from the bathroom. When I walk in he's leaning over the sink looking down. "Hey," My arms wrap around him from the back and I lay my head against his back. 

"You have to eat Xavier. Please." I hear Xavier sigh and I look up in the mirror to see him shaking his head. "I'm not hungry." We both knew that was a lie. He hadn't eaten for a day or two and if he had it was a single bite just to get me to shut up.

"Babe please." We lock eyes through the mirror and he turns in my arms to face me. "Davina I'm not hungry please drop it." His voice is calm and low but it still hurts me. "Ok." I unwrap my arms from him and walk out of the bathroom. I feel Xavier watching me as I walk out, but soon I feel him start to follow me.

"Are you mad?" He asks making me stop and face him. "No, I'm just worried about you." I sigh biting my lip. He just looks at me and I shake my head, walking to the bed and laying down. I'm about to pick up my book when I hear a dish being picked and I look over at Xavier taking a bite of his food. 

I smile at him and whisper, "Thank you." 

A couple of minutes later Xavier sets his now empty plate down and climbs in bed with me. "I love you," I whisper when he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him. "I love you too." He replies before closing the distance between us with a kiss. 

We had become closer over the past month. We hadn't had sex since the beach house but it didn't bother me. We mostly cuddled now. It was my favorite part of the day when he would stop crying and just allow us to hold each other. It was calming.

"How are you feeling?" I ask brushing hair out of his face. Xavier sighs lightly and shuts his eyes. I frown when he slowly shakes his head. It broke my heart every day to see him in this never-ending loop of pain. 

Breakfast. Cry. Lunch. Cuddle. Cry. Lunch. Training. Work. Dinner. Cry. 

And repeat.

Nowhere in there was there sleeping. We both barely got any of that. I probably currently only had six hours of sleep summed up from a week and a half.

"Aren't you sleepy?" I ask planting a kiss on Xavier's lips. "Very." He replies yawning. I giggle. "Do you want to sleep?" Xavier looks at me for a moment processing my question. Finally, he slowly nods. My hand brings his head into my chest and his wraps around my waist tighter.

We quickly fall asleep from exhaustion.

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"NO!" My eyes fly open and I sit up. "Please no!" Xavier squirms with his eyes shut tightly. He was shivering and dripping with sweat. "Hey, It's ok." I lay a hand on his cheek and his eyes fly open in an instant. "Oh babe," His lips wobble as tears fall from his eyes. All I wish is to put him out of misery.

"C'mere" He quickly sits up and my body jolts as he tightly wraps his arms around me and his head nuzzles into the nape of my neck. His sobs shake us both, showing me how much his heart was truly hurting. From the context of every time I've woken up to him yelling I've summed up that he's having reruns of Lidia's death.

It was eating him alive.

"It's ok..." I soothe him, rubbing a hand on his back. He coughs, sobs, and whimpers uncontrollably letting his pain out. It's then that my heightened hearing catches the creak of wood and I look up to the room door to see Theo, Sam, and Freya standing in the doorway.

They all looked at Xavier in pain and Freya wipes a tear from her face. I know they all felt extremely bad for what he was going through. Out of all of them, Xavier was closest to Lidia, and that's what was making it so difficult to get better.

"I miss her." Xavier weeps into my neck. I close my eyes and lay a kiss on his head. "I know baby..." This was my least favorite part of the day. Having to see him in his worst state of grief. The aftermaths of his nightmares.

"Don't leave me." He whimpers, squeezing me tighter. "I'm right here. I'm not leaving." I whisper in his ear.

"I'm staying right here with you forever."

He nods quickly, and I hug him.

"I promise." 

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