Separately Together

Chapter Twenty-Two: Pathetic 1/2

I had so many words I wanted to tell her when I seen Dixon for the first time in a year, but none of the words would come out, but the need for her to know what J was thinking in that moment overpowering any other emotion I was feeling.

If she didn't change her mind, if she did stay with me for weeks, months ... years. How long would I last when I feel like I could combust in a matter of second if she looked at me the wrong way.

I was like a live wire, and I wanted nothing more than to be provoked.

I didn't want to be this person; I didn't want to be out of control with a woman that I had no claim to. A woman I had somehow stuck to me unintentionally. If situations were different, she wouldn't be here, she wouldn't be looking to me for protection. If Vickers had never put his ugly fucking hands on her then she wouldn't be clinging, got me now.

She would be with someone else, unscared and whole. The worlds an evil place but somehow in all the evil it has committed, it landed us stuck together, well separately together. Separately together in the way she looks at me but doesn't dare touch. The way that I dream about her every night but when the sun rises, I denied it happen. The way that her brother is my best friend, and she had a worrisome crush on me when she was no more than thirteen.

I had mistaken the quick glances and soft blushes back then to be no more than her social anxiety around people, but little did I know she was looking at me all love struck. It did something to me knowing she was pining after me all of those years ago. Made me almost feel entitled, entitled to her first kiss, her first time. That was absolutely the most ridiculous think I have ever thought but it was the way my brain reacted to her. All territorial and shit.

When I learned that I was her first kiss it made it ten times worst then it had ever been before. No one's ever touched her, the way I want to touch her. No one had ever had those plump battered lips, from constant tugging and sucking on them with anxiety, except me. I grip the bed sheets in my hand and let out a breath I had been holding onto tightly. The sheet was tented with how hard I was by just thinking about her and I felt like absolute shit about it.

This was wrong but it felt so right. It felt so right when I let my hand fall to my erection and stroke it, letting out a grunt impossible to hold in.

I let my imagination run free and my focus point on the night she grided against my thigh soaking it with her warm, tight little cunt. The may my name came out of her mouth as she lost complete control. Nearly screaming it to the top of her lungs as she came for me while she was wrapped around my leg like her life depended on it.

I grunt again picturing that pretty mouth of here wrapped around my cock at the speed my hands going. It didn't take long after those imagine surfaced in my head that I came all over my fucking bed, regret instantly takes over and I sigh heavily. What was I going to do with myself?

It had become a problem, this obsession with her, I was walking on a tight rope and staying on it became increasingly hard the longer she was around looking at me with those green eyes of hers.

I stand up and go straight to the shower to rid of the sweat and cum, I'll have to wash my sheets now, but I can't say that it wasn't worth it. It was a much-needed release, but I wish my brain could have same up with someone else to think about other than Maddie. I somehow felt like I was invading her by doing that and although it felt good in the moment it felt terrible now.

After the shower I dress in sweatpants and a white t-shirt because I called out of work today to spend time with Dixon. Maddie, Dixon, and I were going to go to the carnival in town. Maddie even mentioned that she invited Finnic and Liz and surprisingly they accepted, it could be because Liz hasn't seen Dixon in a long time, and she wanted to catch up, but it was progress on mending our little friend group. Dixon had invited one of her friends from when she lived here, a guy friend and I was already on edge she was too young to be having 'guy friends' but Maddie reminded me that she is fifteen years old and then proceeded to ask me what exactly I was doing at fifteen.

I bundle up the sheets and carry them to the laundry room, thankfully the washing machine is empty, and I toss them in there, throwing in some detergent before pressing the start button.

Maddy walks in behind me carrying her own comforter in her arms and we lock eyes, I gulp, wondering if she is washing her sheets for the same reason or if I was reading into much into this.

She blushes but deflects it with her words. "I'm a minute too late ..." She chuckles throwing the sheets in the basket by the washer.

She bites her lip, and I can't help but thinking about it being my teeth there instead of hers and suddenly the room is heavy, tension swaying in like waves from the ocean. I walk closer to her, and she sways from nerves, that should be my motive to turn and walk away but all it does is pull a smirk from my mouth.

I step into her bubble and push her hair behind her ear. "You think about anyone in particular?" I ask bravely and when her cheeks grow redder my smirk grows. I had been right, and I felt the realization in my blood stream she had been in there touching herself thinking about me, the same time I was doing the same.

Oh, how it would have turned put so different if either one of us would have grown some balls and snuck into the other room. I let my thumb rest on her ear for a moment longer before I leaned down and kissed her forehead smashing my lips to the flesh roughly, wishing I could kiss her lips just the same, but it would just make things complicated when there was already so much to sort through. I was in no condition to date, especially not Maddie, that was an unhealthy relationship waiting to happen and she didn't deserve that. She cared for me more than anyone ever has, and she deserves to have the sentiment returned by me keeping my fucking hands to myself.

-.-.-.-.-
Don't forget to vote and comment. Thank you❤️