Fazes

Ode to innocence

I remember my innocence ,
And the fullfulment it gave me every morning.

I remember my tongue,
And how it used to fit so perfectly in my backpack next to lunch boxes and crayons.

I remember my backpack,
And hide and seek ,

But i forgot hiding is no longer a game,
When I inevitably end up behind my textured locks,
A downloaded smile,
A utopian friend group,

And a voice trained to ignore my blackness to be awarded snaps and applause,

You don't get it do you.

I already forgot i woke up this morning,
I forgot to close the faucet when my eyes were fixated
on the blemishes on my skin that's supposed to indicate youth.

But i remember how that song goes right?
I remember how it went.

I remember the first time i heard it,
When the burning vapour entered my lungs like a jolt of adrenalin,
get higher and higher with each puff
just as I reach the heavens my head started to sink into the base drop,
My crayons and lunch box replaced with earphones and diet supplements.

I remember how spiritual of an experience it was.

I forgot why I wrote this,
Why my mind has been a symphony of stuttering melodies,
Each attempting to force itself to the front.
How long I stared in disgust of the way my melanin folds on my skin,
And how my veins stretched and staggered on my body .

But I remember how this goes
I remember how spiritual of an experience this is.

Trying to gather my sanity for long enough to express that I'm anything other than my reflection,
But the ideas don't splurge out of my mouth like how they attack my mind.
Teaching me to be terrified,
that there are an infinite amount of universes I cannot explore
Because in mine there are places I'm not allowed to exist in.

That my innocence is slowly being
Swallowed whole by pain,
By my tongue.
That holds so much rage that can't be contained behind these vulgar lips,
This vulgar body that apparently speaks on behalf of my self worth.

So I'm sorry if I choose to ignore sanity,
That in order to remember the good I choose to forget the bad.