ashes ➝ Doctor Who²

XXXXXI

"Garrick Adaams was a kind man and loving husband. Had it not been for the Universe - intervening and ruining any plans they ever had - they might've been happy forever. He would be dearly missed by all those who knew him, protector of his nation and a generous man, his death is a tarnish on this world's history. If anyone were to be granted more time, it would be a privilege to see what he could have achieved."

That's what the preacher had said, the service in the same building as Jena's. They were even buried together, reunited in death as life had torn them apart.

Garrick's funeral. Full of family, friends and members of the armed forces. To them he had died a hero, protecting a family from the invasion, to Penelope he had died as the only parent she had left.

It was a hard funeral to attend, especially when no one knew who she was. She didn't even look like him.

But she had to get out of the house and do something. Even more so after staying behind, without the Doctor.

But it dawned on her very quickly.

She had no one to tell.. about Jasper.

There wasn't a single person that knew about him that she could tell.

Torchwood, of course, got told by Jack.

But she couldn't go back.

She just couldn't.

But he had no family, no friends outside of work. No lover or partner. Not even a pet to mourn him the way that Penelope will.

It is cold in her life once again, and she knew that if she had gone to his apartment. Or even still, her own apartment, she would curl up into their memories and never be able to bring herself to leave.

She had tried so hard to keep him close after the.. incident with the Master.

All it took was the Doctor to flash her a smile and pull her close to make her lose focus. And then he was gone.

He was protecting Garrick, or trying to, and died doing so.

The greater irony is that it was all for naught. Garrick died and so did he.

Leaving her so utterly alone.

Although, whilst she does admit that it was hard to lose Garrick as well - the man having proposed to be her father - it wasn't as soul tearing.

Yes, he was once a figment in her life, a villain to cast her mother's blame, he was nothing like that. They could've been a nice family, perhaps.

But Jamie Jasper?

The man that had bought her out of the depths of her despair and made her into a new woman, showing her that maybe the Universe wasn't truly against her. He had taught her live again and guided her the whole time.

Gave her a reason to keep going when it got harder and harder to get up in the morning.

After Felicity, he was the only person that could console her. He went with her to inform the parents, held her close after hearing Felicity's mother cry.

Told her it would all be okay.

But now, sitting outside the ruins where she had lost Felicity, with nothing of Jasper's to keep, Penelope couldn't help but cry. There wasn't a funeral, no time with the world needing cleaning up.

It wouldn't have been as grand as Garrick's, but she knew exactly what she would've said.

"My dearest Jamie, the love I will never have. I wish I could've held you more, to stand in quiet doorways and just smile at you is all I ever asked of the Universe. There are so many things we had yet to do, so many places we were going to see. The people we could've saved together. I will never be able to apologise enough that you are not by my side. Forgive me."