Back to Where We Started

Chapter 1

Zayn sat at the kitchenette table, cup of tea cradled gently in his hands, no intentions of sipping on the now cold liquid. Across the table from him, Louis tossed back the last of his own second cup of tea and let out a sigh. It was late and both wanted nothing more than to crawl into their bunks and sleep, but there was a lot that needed to be discussed and they knew that took priority.

"Alright, that's enough of that," Louis broke the silence. "We're not going to solve anything by just sitting here in silence and growing more tired by the minute."

Zayn hummed in agreement. "I know, Lou. I just, I'm at a complete loss of what to do here."

Louis rolled his eyes at his best mate.

"C'mon, Zayn, what did you expect was going to happen? That you'd get to come back after the dramatic exit you made and that everything would just go back to normal, just because you finally got your head out of your ass?"

"No! It's just, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, and I wish that I could go back in time and change what happened, but I can't. I'm trying so hard to make it up to all of you and I feel like absolute shit for putting you all through that. I just-I don't know how to move forward." Zayn let out a deep sigh and ran a tired hand over his face.

Louis gave Zayn a sad smile. He understood what the problem was, had figured it out after just a couple days of Zayn being back, but he'd really hoped that the lad would have been able to see what the problem was for himself. That had been weeks ago. Now, the band was facing a long two weeks of interviews and promotional events, and it was time for Louis to accept that, as much as he thought it would be better for everyone involved if he could regain his footing on his own, Zayn wasn't going to be able to do it fast enough, and it was time for him to step in.

"That's your problem right there, Zee, you've been back for what, almost a month now? And you're still apologizing for leaving like you did. The only way the five of us are going to be able to look to the future together is if we stop living in the past."

Zayn was momentarily stunned. It was really hard to forget that Louis had a serious side to him sometimes. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Zayn mulled over what Louis had said.

It was true. Ever since he'd been back, all he'd been doing was apologizing. He'd left the boys to perform seven shows without him. When he'd made the decision to leave the first leg of the tour, he'd really thought it was for the best, that he just needed a break from it all to get his head back on straight. The band had been so busy for the last almost five years and it felt like the only way he'd be able to continue was if he took a break.

Once he got home, however, he'd realized just how great it felt to not have to go through life on a schedule. If he wanted to sleep in in the morning, he could sleep in. If he wanted to sketch in one of his sketch books for hours on end, he could sketch in one of his sketch books for hours on end. He wasn't constantly being moved along to the next event, whether that be a photo shoot, interview, writing session, whatever...he was able to just do what it was he wanted to do. It had been such a wonderful feeling that he'd considered what it would be like to have the ability to do that whenever he wanted, to no longer be committed to One Direction.

Zayn had been a bit alarmed with himself the first time he thought about leaving One Direction for good, but then he thought about it a bit more. After almost a week of thinking about it, he contacted Simon and told him that they needed to talk.

On the morning that he was scheduled to meet with Simon, Zayn woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating incessantly on his bedside table. As it turned out, that particular morning marked a full week that he had been home, and Louis had made the other boys promise that they would leave him alone to de-stress for at least that long before trying to contact him.