Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

seventeen, again

Ellie had helped me feel things I no longer thought I could even feel anymore, and maybe it was just because she was younger than me and awakened a youthful part of me, but I knew there was something deeper than that going on.

Not many people in my life had made me feel as if I could behave like my complete, honest self around them, but she was definitely one of them. Every moment spent with her felt like a breath of fresh air.

My hand rested on top of hers for the whole time except from when I picked up my wine glass. And I knew I was doing something extremely wrong, especially because I had to drive. But I'd gotten so used to drinking that by then two glasses of wine weren't going to affect my mental state at all. I knew I had to work on it, though.

And I knew Ellie was worried about it but didn't want to say anything, so if I was going to try to get better for anyone it would have been for her.

We didn't talk that much during our meal but that wasn't really even needed at that point of our relationship. Our silences meant more than words, sometimes. As cheesy as it sounds.

"That was really nice" the redhead said as I asked for the check.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was scared you wouldn't" I chuckled.

"You, scared? I don't believe you" she laughed.

"I only get scared when it involves people I like. Which is, I admit, a very restricted group of people" I said, even if I knew she was just kidding.

"I'm honored, then"

"You should be" I joked. I took the opportunity to ask if she wanted to stay at my place that night.

She didn't even wait a second to answer, which made me internally laugh because I knew that she was convinced of seeming completely spontaneous.

I thought that evening would be a good opportunity to have a conversation we had been postponing for a while. Well, mainly I had been doing so. But I finally felt ready to have it. Whatever that meant. I'd caused enough suffering for her to keep her on edge like that, I was aware of that.

"I'll go pay and we can go, then" I said, hinting a smirk.

"We can split-"

"Nope. Dinner's on me" I firmly interrupted her before she could even end the sentence.

Paying for the dinner was really the least I could do for her. And also, I knew she couldn't quite afford it anyway. I was starting to suspect that acts of service were my main love language.

"This was really nice. I'm glad we came here" she said as we got into my car.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm glad you even accepted to come in the first place" I placed a hand on her thigh, getting closer to her to do what I'd been dying to do all evening.

I pressed my lips on hers, feeling her hand grabbing my waist and grinning as I pulled back, knowing what it did to her.

I internally laughed as I thought how much her attitude in kissing me had changed since the first times it'd happened, when I could perceive her fear from miles away.

And that kind of came back during the ride back home. I didn't really blame her, knowing I'd been drinking. I knew I was stupid.

Focusing on the road became increasingly difficult as potential ways of talking about what I wanted to talk about stormed through my mind. But I decided to just let things happen as they did, not bearing the feeling of overthinking so much about something.

"You need to get anything from your place?" I asked as I drove in the parking lot.

"Don't think so, if you can lend me something to sleep in"

"Goes without asking" I shrugged.

"I'm good then" she said, unbuckling her seatbelt.

What was supposed to be a two minute trip to my flat took way longer because making out in the car got in the way, but we eventually got there.

"What do you wanna do?" she asked, sitting on the couch.

I really did appreciate the confidence surge I'd seen Ellie had. She never would have behaved as if she was in her house a month before. And I liked to think it was partly thanks to me.

"I don't know" I said, kicking her heels off her feet. "We could move to my bed though. I'm exhausted"

"I'm really not implying anything" I added, seeing the surprised expression on her face and realizing what I'd just said and how wrong it sounded. "I really am tired"

"Never doubted that" she said, also taking her shoes off.

I quickly went to the bathroom and changed into more comfortable clothes.

"As much as I love that dress," I said as I entered the room. "It's uncomfortable as fuck"

"It really does look good on you, though" Ellie shrugged.

"Appreciate it" I lied on the bed with a sigh, next to where she was sitting. "I have to wear my professional clothes so much that I've started to enjoy wearing dresses, my past self wouldn't believe it"

"You really look amazing with anything" she added, turning towards me.

"Oh, stop it" I playfully smacked her arm. "As if you're not gorgeous yourself"

"I don't know about that, but I'm just telling the truth" she lied down next to me.

"Well, me too" I leaned in to kiss her.

If I didn't start the conversation at that moment I probably would have never done it, so I swallowed the knot that was forming in my throat and sat more upright than I was.

"I know I've already said this, but I'm really happy we finally had a proper date" I said with a slightly shaky voice. Something uncommon for me. What was the girl doing to me?

"Finally?" she questioned, rightly.

"I mean, mainly because of me. I know that if it was for you we'd already have made it official since a month ago at least" I chuckled.

Her eyes went wide.

"So?" she asked.

"So what?"

"You've finally made up your mind?" she emphasized the word "finally".

"I'd say so" I lowered my head, getting closer to her. The anxiety had suddenly transformed into excitement.

"So... we're, like, officially-"

"Dating?" I manage to blurt out.

She nodded.

"I'm pretty sure we are. If you'd like that" I smiled, cupping her cheek.

"Of course" she said, a huge smile appearing on her face. And probably on mine too.