Only His

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"Scared? Kazimir Ivanov scared? that's something I have never heard of," I laugh, a little.

"Don't laugh, I'm serious Imani," he huffs.

"I know you are, but I just never expected that."

"You don't think I'm not scared as well? I mean anything could happen in a week," I say.

"Nothing will happen, because we are going to get our daughter and take a small family vacation," he says.

My heart slowly breaks and the only feeling, I felt was sadness. I should be excited, but I lived in our reality long enough. I lived this lie between us long enough that I had become attached. I do love Kazimir, but it wasn't possible.

I knew it was secretly only temporary, but I want it to be forever. I looked away from him and tried to come up with a lie in my head. The minute we landed, I know how this would play out and it was a bad ending. 

He gently caresses my face and pulls my face back towards him. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Why didn't I keep my distance or why didn't I go on birth control? The situation was way more complicated with me being pregnant.

"I have been thinking that we could use a break," I mumble.

"Say that louder," He grits.

"I think we should take a break from each other after this whole thing with Azura," I said.

"A break? Are you being serious Imani?"

"I- I- I just think it's been really stressful for a while and us arguing all the time it's not good. Kaz, I love you but I need some time to process the fact I'm pregnant and what I really wanna do," I quivered.

He pulls away from me and I feel my heart breaking with the very process. I had to do this now or never. if I waited till we landed it would have been even worse than it is now. I wanted to tell him everything, but he would never trust me again.

"I always had a feeling you would leave me one day, but you know I'm not going to let you while pregnant with my son."

"If you care about me or the twins, you would," I say.

"Honestly, we are always fine and something pops up to ruin it. Although you conveniently say this when Azura's life is on the line and he wants you back," he spoke.

"Kaz, it's not that. I just think were always back and forth. Our relationship is toxic and I think not until we take some time apart from each other. I only want to spend my pregnancy in London and at least allow Azura to have the smallest chance to a normal life," I reason.

"That's a lie and you know it. I always wonder if you still love him even in the slightest. You say you love me, but I'm not sure anymore. If you want to go back to Juan and be with him, I'm not going to stop you. However, get rid of my child or children and get the fuck out of my life," he glowered. 

My eyes widen in shock and I look between his eyes. He couldn't possibly be serious, but his eyes said it all. I couldn't form any words and I just stared at him. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes.

"Kazimir, I'm telling you now. I don't want anything to do with him. This has nothing to do with him," I sputter.

My chest felt heavy as if something was pushing hard onto my chest. My air was barely reaching my lungs and my chest was raising at a weird pace. 

"Then tell me a good reason, why you feel the need to take a break?" 

I couldn't tell him the truth, that intentionally I was using him in my own way. I was using him for some of my own gain. He was a part of my escape and I just had to feel a certain way toward him. I looked down at my hands and I felt him get off the bed. I looked back up at him and he looked down at me.