SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 12

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Napatigil sa pagtuturo ng Tagalog words na ilang minuto n'ya nang pinag-aaralan.

"I hate them. They're stealing your time. Even your body."

I took a deep breath.

"They're not bad, Lyrae... I'm actually friends with them. Tinutulungan nila ako. Sila 'yung nakakausap ko nu'ng mga panahong takot na takot ako sa nangyayari sa 'kin."

"But they are the reason why you have that condition, right?"

"No... It was because of the trauma I experienced."

She let out an exasperated sigh.

"What I mean is... If they're not there, you won't be having a hard time. You will be normal."

"But I am normal."

She let out a chuckle. As if I just said something ridiculous.

"No, you're not. There's something wrong with your brain. Those alters are your crazy part. You look crazy whenever they're fronting. They're making you look insane."

Wala akong masabi roon. I always tell myself that I am normal. That I could be normal. That I could live normally even if I have alters.

Pero nagbago iyon dahil sa mga sinasabi ni Violet. This is what other people think. This is what other people would think.

"But even if you're like that, I still accept you, Gray..." Violet said softly. "Unlike your brother, I will never leave."

I stopped talking with my alters after that. Gadriel and James were still writing in the journal, still trying to talk to me, but I never answered them again.

Shielder was still helping me with my missions with EL Ordre. Only blocking me with those missions he might've thought would be a trigger to me. To my trauma.

It always pissed me when that happened. Naaalala ko ang sinabi ni Violet. Na ninanakaw ng mga alter ang kung ano'ng dapat sa 'kin.

I was glad that Violet was always there with me. Tinutulungan n'ya ako. Pati ang mga problema ko nang dahil sa kagagawan ng mga alter ko.

But my alters didn't think that way.

Gadriel: I think it would be best for you if you'll stop hanging out with that Violet, Gray... She's not good for you.

James: I don't like her too.

Zeno: I fucking hate that bitch.

Ma lalo lang lumala ang galit ko dahil sa mga nabasa kong 'yon. Ah... I hate them. Si Violet na nga lang ang taong kayang tumanggap sa 'kin, pipigilan pa nila ang pagiging malapit namin? Sila naman ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako matatanggap ng iba.

After that, I threw the journal away. Para hindi ko na ulit sila makausap pa.

Pinagpatuloy ko ang makikipaglapit kay Violet. I noticed her feelings for me. And that actually made me look up to her.

She was still willing to accept... to love someone like me.

I think that was what pissed Zeno off. I could feel his pent-up anger. He was becoming madder and madder.

Kaya nang may isang nagalit na customer sa 'kin sa club 'cause he caught his girlfriend flirting with me, nang maghamon s'ya ng suntukan, sumabog na ang pinipigilang galit ni Zeno.

I saw how he threw alcohol on the walls as the people tried to get out of the place while the fire alarm was blaring. It was Zeno who triggered the alarm. Pero wala akong magawa. Wala akong magawa nang sunugin n'ya ang buong club.