Depressed Peter parker

Twenty eight

Triggerwaring: eating disorder, mention of calories

I saw flash again it all began when I dreamt of him Bucky method wouldn't work for some reason anymore I hate it Bucky stayed with me while eating and the 30 minutes I had to stay so I don't throw up

I wish I was normal and didn't bother anyone with my problems at least I have Spider-Man...oh right I don't have that too anymore I just have my problems and family,mj and Harry  that's a lot actually but I think I bother them maybe they don't like me and just pretend they do maybe I'm just stupid to think that

It was lunch time Bucky handed me a plate of spaghetti I loved sam's spaghetti but I didn't saw the spaghetti anymore I just saw the Calories this time it were 450 calories this was just too much for me  i couldn't eat so much  I just starred at it I wanted to eat it I don't want to disappoint Bucky but I just couldn't eat I tried to force it but I couldn't I don't want to feel the guilt after eating and when I don't eat I won't have the guilt I can't do this anymore

"Peter you okay?" Bucky asked

"..."

"do you want that I get you something else?"

"I don't want that Sam is mad Because I didn't eat it I don't want to disappoint you too" I mumbled

"Peter... he won't be mad he just wants you to get better like I do you're not disappointing  me okay? You did great the last week with eating and not throwing up and what  you have now it's part of recovery there will be good days but there will also bad days like now I'm proud of you you want to get better" he said and hugged me

"thanks uncle Bucky"

"so do you want something else" he asked

I nodded

"i get you something"

"tell Uncle Sam I'm sorry"

"he will unterstand Peter don't worry we just want you get better" he left the room

Bucky came back with an apple  52 calories I thought  I could do that it isn't much but then again  flash voice appeared

Don't eat that
You shouldn't
I mean look at you!
You don't derserve to eat
Just look at you!

He was right I shouldn't eat that I don't derserve it but I try to fight it

Bucky handed me the apple I toke it and forced myself to eat it the guilt came but I ignore it after 5 bites I cried

"when you can't eat anymore it's okay at least you ate something" Bucky said

"no I wanna fight this son of a bitch" I said and ate the whole apple the guilt was there but this time I could ignore it

"you did great you getting better I'm so proud of you" Bucky nearly cried but it wasn't because he was sad it was because he was happy 

I could fight the guilt I could do it I mean I just did I just have to do it every time I eat maybe I could fight flash voice in my head too and maybe I could make  flash disappear when I just fight it maybe I can fight it all.

Maybe I can get better after all.