Love After You

Chapter 22

She watched the way he was rubbing the towel over his hair, rough and hard, as though he was trying to scrape her from his mind.

Jess listened, but the words seemed to muddle together.

He had wanted her all this time.

She licked the corner of her lips, trying to stop them from trembling. She wasn't sure if they trembled because of the cold, the rain that was still running down her body, or because of his words.

"After Adam died, it was impossible." He continued when she said nothing. "Don't you think I've done nothing but wish I could shake you out of my mind? The guilt I've felt for wanting you, Jess, I was sure it would swallow me up." He paused, his voice hitching at the end. He turned to her and said, "But I'm done hiding. I can't do it anymore."

She was tingling, her whole body vibrating from his words. But her heart also ached at the betrayal. "I can't do this." She breathed and made her way to the door.

She touched the cool metal handle when he was there, right behind her, shaking his head as his hands wrapped around her waist to turn her to face him.

They both jumped at the electricity that shot through them when his hands touched her. "Don't do that, please." He begged. "Don't you make me feel like I'm one-sided in all this. I know you feel something too."

She refused to look at him because she knew if she did, he would see right through her. Jake was probably the only person on this earth who truly knew her. "We can't do this, Jake. We can't..."

"I know..." He paused, taking a shaky breath as he took hold of her hands in his. "Even if you never speak to me again, if we never see each other again, I need you to know, and I need to say it, at least once." His fingers found her jaw, and he tilted her face up to look at him. "The moment I met you, Jessica, I was yours. Completely. I'll always be yours."

She searched his eyes, her heart pounding in her chest. She felt like she was floating, his words so beautiful that they made her want to cry.

He was looking at her like she was everything, the water he drank, the air he breathed.

And she felt it all too.

It's how she had always felt when she was near Jake.

The tingling.

The connection.

The security.

She felt so at home in his arms, like she belonged there.

But the bubble of guilt still festered in her stomach, and she kept her hands by her sides when she longed to touch him.

"Am I alone in this? Please, just end this madness if I am-" He looked wrecked, like he was going insane. His eyes were a stormy grey blaze.

"No." She finally breathed, unable to lie to him. He practically sagged in relief. "You're not alone, Jake. I feel it too... But we can't."

He nodded, their eyes burning into each other. His fingers traced her jaw, down her neck, and back up again, like he was mapping out her skin. He stepped even closer, his eyes flickering to her lips, then back up. "I know..." He sighed before he leaned in, his lips soft, hovering over hers.

She knew there was no turning back now. The feel of his lips on hers was everything. They both gasped into each other's mouths, shocked at how good it felt. But they pushed the shock away, their basic instinct taking over.

She touched his chest, wet, cold, and hard under his damp clothes. "You're freezing, you're shivering." She murmured into his mouth, clutching his wet shirt to try and steady herself as her mouth explored his.