SURVIVOR

// Aren't You a Lucky One //

"Y/n? Baby girl what's wrong?" He picked me up in his arms as he sat on the edge of my bed, cradling me back and fourth. I was five, to young to know what was happening in my life.

To young to know dad was leaving me, and mom was becoming a junkie.

I didn't respond, I didn't like talking while I was crying because it made me sound weak.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered, his
E/c eyes looked down on me with sympathy and an emotion all parents feel when seeing tears abrupt from their children's eyes. I looked so much like him, our eyes revealed everything inside of our souls while on mom's side their eyes were brick walls.

"Mhmh." I grunted, burying my face into his chest as I did my best not to cry harder.

He slid his hands under my arms and rose me up, sitting me on his lap as he too, had developed tears. My room was dark, besides the glare of light that creeped in from the hallway and the fake stars stuck to my ceiling.

"C'mon, where's my happy girl?" He asked hopeful, wincing at the shouts downstairs as mom argued with Grandma and Grandpa, when he was still alive.

"I don't want you to leave...don't leave me with them." I broke down, giving in and sobbed.

"Oh baby, oh my sweet, sweet baby, I won't leave you...I promise." He cooed, bringing me to his chest and hugged me while I sobbed into the crook of his neck.

I was also to young to realize that most dad's couldn't keep their promises.

~End of dream~

"Dad?" I whispered, opening my eyes and silently scanned the room.

I was still in Jeff's room, in his arms as distant circus noises rang in my ears.

Even though his eyes were open, they were spaced out...waking up to wide eyes for a month you learn to know when their active and when their asleep. Jeff was asleep, slobbering on my neck.

"Shit," I huffed, pushing him off and sat up while I hung my sore legs over the side of the king sized mattress. "I need to get out of here." I looked drowsily down to the ground, it felt as if I took a long ass nap and woke up late at night.

• Mention of SH below •

"What the fuck am I doing?...I should've just, killed myself already. I mean, it's better than living in this shitty ass lifestyle. I'm not scared of death, just of what's after it." I spoke to myself, eyeing Jeff's blade on the desk.

I had quit about a year ago, but if there was any time to relapse...

I took a deep breath, I'd hit rock bottom.

The weight on the bed weighed Jeff down as I stood up, stepping forward towards the desk the floorboard let out a quiet creak.

My eyes went out of focus for a moment, fear.

"What are you doing?" I heard him ask behind me, his voice was not amused.

With the old moan of the bed I could tell he had stood up, he hadn't walked forward just yet but was eyeing my situation. "You weren't thinking of touching my knife, were you." His voice echoed throughout the room, sending chills down my spine.

"No."

"Your going to end up killing yourself one of these times, dumbass, And if you think I'm letting you leave that easily you'd have to be very fucking stupid." Light hearted Jeff was gone, it was the real Jeff now.

I didn't even notice how close he was before I felt his hands grip my arms, his chest against my back.

He lowered his head to my height, brushing his cheek against my ear. He pulled back a strand of h/c hair, he wanted me to hear this.

"If anyone's going to be killing you, it's going to be me, I can fuckin guarantee that." He whispered harsh words in such a gentle manner. My lower lip trembled as his nails dug into my already bruised flesh, his alcoholic breath on my neck.

"So go back to bed sweetheart, I don't want you hurting yourself like a damn coward." Jeff seethed through gritted teeth, gripping my arms and turned me to the bed. He pushed me forward, forcing me down on the mattress. I crawled in under the comforter, watching him crawl over me and to his side of the bed.

My hands were shaking, my heart was beating in my ears.

"Go to sleep, you need it...try anything like that again and you might not wake up." Jeff huffed, muttering the last part as he tugged most of the blankets away from me and turned to face the wall, away from me. I layed down onto my side, facing him as I watched his rib cage rise and fall. His breathing was fast, he wasn't asleep yet and from my little attempt it didn't look like he was going to.

The blanket only went up to his waist, he had a skinny waist. I slowly tugged my blanket up to my shoulders, it was cold just like Jeff's shoulder as he ignored me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, it always seemed I was the one to apologize when it wasn't even my place to say those two words. "Just fuckin forget it, why even say sorry?! You knew your intentions and so did I, neither of us should apologize...Sorry doesn't fix shit, maybe you couldn't tell with all of the shitty stuff that as happened to all of us....

And I know damn well, If hoodie or Masky...or even I said sorry," he spat as he sat up, glaring at me with his tired eyes. "You would go ape shit with how sorry is just a word, so turn the fuck around and go to bed. Your anger isn't as pleasing as your fear, do I don't want it." Disgust washed over me, he found...pleasure in my fucking fear?! Or was he just saying that to piss me off?

He was mad, that I was going to try leaving him.

Looked like he assumed wrong, because I was going to leave him one way or another.

...

Dead or alive.

This was the point when Jeff started to let his true self come on display more often, not the quiet and mysterious Jeff.

At the time I thought this was the worse Jeff could get.

Later in the future I would find out I was deadly wrong.

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Sorry that I've been reposting or like idk I've been re-editing the chapters...new ones are better ones soon.

ARE YOU GUYS ENJOYING THE BOOK?

*SAYS IN THE CAPTAINS VOICE FROM SPONGE BOB*