Revenge {S.R. x Reader 18+}

Chapter Fifteen: Revulsion

Tw: intense feelings of guilt and regret, mental breakdown, psychological abuse, gaslighting, choking, arguing, general angst, talk of dead parents, talk of murder, feelings of not being good enough. (If I missed anything please let me know)

A/N: DARK CHAPTER. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND READ WARNINGS. TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!!

A/N 2: this chapter contains extreme gaslighting by Spencer. I am very aware that this is OOC for him. That he wouldn't do this. But this is necessary for the story to progress. Spencer is the bad guy in this story, that is the entire point of it. And what he is doing to Y/N is never okay. I want to make that EXPLICITLY clear. I do not condone this type of behavior and in real life situations, this is not okay.
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I did good. I know I did. But the feeling inside me? That wasn't good. I felt... disgusting, sad. I'd do anything to impress Spencer; to make him proud. But seeing JJ's family photos made something inside me wither, just slightly. Okay, maybe a lot more than slightly.

I sneak a peek at the criminal beside me, the smile on his face just as beautiful as he was. He was truly Lucifer, the beautiful angel who became too impressed with himself. The fallen angel who wanted positions of power. He think he is a God, one who can use his intelligence to get away with anything. But we all know how a story of intense hubris ends.

I look back at my fingers, blinking back tears of guilt and frustration. I wouldn't let him see me cry; see me weak. No. I wouldn't allow that. But I couldn't ignore the feelings eating me alive inside. I knew my parents wouldn't be proud of the life I was leading, or of the man beside me. I knew I'd never get the family I dreamed of, because there was no getting away from Spencer Reid.

"What's your problem?" His voice is a little rough, but I can hear the thrill and excitement running through it.

I shake my head and will myself to look over at him, "nothing." I throw him a smile and force it to reach my eyes. God, I was fucking exhausted. I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life?

"I can tell when you're lying to me and you know how much I hate liars."

I wanted to roll my eyes at him. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone. That I didn't want to do this anymore. That I was sick and tired of his games. But I didn't.

"I'm really fine. I'm just exhausted. Must be because I'm coming down from the adrenaline." It sounded believable enough to me and I just prayed he bought it.

I watch his hands grip the steering wheel harder, his knuckles turning white, "I'll let it slide for now. But you better get your shit together."

Get your shit together as if I was the one who couldn't let it go that his "friends" weren't as good as he wanted. I huff a humorless laugh, "I have my shit together."

Now, its his turn to laugh and all I can do is brace for the insults and anger that was about to come my way. "No, my pet, you fucking don't. You didn't have it together when I met you, and you sure as shit don't have it together now. You are nothing without me. Do you fucking hear me?"

I flinch, literally flinch at his words. I cant stop the tears that flood my eyes and roll down my cheeks. "Then let me go!" My watery voice betraying the brave front I was trying to put on. "If you don't fucking like me, why do you keep me around?" I'm afraid of his answer. But that's because I know the answer.

"Because you're a good fuck. You're stuck with me until the day we die, do you fucking get that? Don't even think of trying to leave me, pup. I will hunt you down and trust me, I will always find you." The bite in his words make me want to curl up and die. And here I thought he loved me.

"I could always turn you in! Then what? I know for a fact that they would give me leeway, maybe even a fucking reward! They don't know who I am, you said it yourself!"

Spencer says nothing, turning off a side street and into a shady part of town. Now I'm filled with fear. Was he going to kill me? Leave me in the bad part of town where everyone would think it was a drug deal gone wrong? My heart rate picks up at the idea of him truly ending my life.

It isnt until he parks in an abandoned parking lot that he turns his whole body towards me, his hand snapping out and wrapping itself around my airway, allowing on enough air to let me hear what he has to say.

"You really are fucking stupid, aren't you? They know who you are. They just aren't hunting you because if they catch me, then they catch you. Naïve little girl." He squeezes a little harder, "go ahead, my pet. Turn me in. But don't think for one fucking second that I wont take you down with me. Do you realize I could end your life right here, right now and make it look like a fucking accident? Huh? I am all you fucking have, pup. Your parents are long dead, nothing but bones and dust. No one will come looking for you. No one will claim your body. I am all you have." His voice is a calm I've never heard before. "So, what's it going to be, my pet? Cause from where I'm sitting? Your best bet is to shut your fucking mouth and do what I say."

I'm clawing at his hand, begging for more air than he's allowing. My sob doing nothing but causing the suffocation to come faster. I manage enough air to mutter, "yes, daddy."

Then, and only then, does he let me go; practically throwing me while I gasp for air. I cough a little, my hands reaching up to my throat to ease the burning. And like it never happened, he turns the car back on and points it home. My head hurts and my stomach is churning.

Because he wasn't wrong. Besides him, I had no one. No friends, no family, nothing. No one would give a fuck if I was dead. Sure, maybe if I was identified and my old classmates read about it in the paper or on tv. But I'd be nothing more than a passing thought. Just "some girl" they went to school with. "Some girl" with dead parents and a serial killer for a boyfriend. I was trapped with him. But... but maybe that was exactly where I needed to be.