Revenge {S.R. x Reader 18+}

Raw

Content warnings: talks of death, talks of suicide, talks of nightmares  (let me know if i missed anything xx)

a/n: hello friends! ahhhh yeah so its been three weeks since i updated and i know my apologies are getting old but i am sorry. I had a large depressive streak and could barely get out of bed to get to class, let alone write. I know this is short and i know that's probably disappointing, but it was what i could give. I never want to force anything because that's how we get bad writing and the last thing i was to do is give you guys that. you deserve better than that. So, yeah. i hope you guys enjoy it, though ❤️

a/n 2: ahhhh also it wont let me put gifs any more so thats why they arent here? im so sorry about that. 

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Non triggering review: spencer and reader have an argument and reader has a little self-confidence moment!

She needed to learn her place. She needed to learn that she didn't know how to handle a brain like mine. I watched the slight fear in her eyes when I grabbed her, but there was something else. It looked like defiance to me. And that was the last thing I needed from her.

Because the last time she defied me, I got arrested.

But once again I apologized simply because the fear of being alone was heavy and I knew if she left, I wouldn't be able to handle it. You could also claim self-preservation. She knew way too much and if she left, I was sure she'd squeal.

So, I got into bed beside her and let her scoot over and wrap herself around me. I let her pull me closer and kiss my chest. Her ear to my rapidly beating heart would lull her to sleep.

"I'm sorry I was mean." She murmured, half asleep.

I sigh and hold her a little tighter, "it's okay baby. We had a long day and I know that can mess with your brain a little." I play with her hair and admire her. I really did love her, no matter how badly I didn't want to. She played a bigger role in my life than I ever thought possible.

"Mmm. Busy day." And with that she's asleep, her body relaxing into me fully.

I watch as her chest moves up and down in a hypnotic pattern. She was hypnotic and I wished I could be better for her. Because while it was true, she couldn't handle a brain like mine. I knew she shut off my brain. But tonight, for some reason, it just wouldn't relax. Paranoia more than likely, but they weren't watching us. Because if they were, we'd have been caught by now. I was sure of that. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

I watched her sleep the entire night, too terrified to sleep. I wanted to be able to protect us if god forbid something happened to us. I can't explain how I'm feeling in words. It's a mix of paranoia, fear, and stress all rolled into one. I needed to fucking relax before I had a heart attack.

I watched as the sun metaphorically rose on the horizon. Hues of reds and pinks fill the sky. It was beautiful, I couldn't deny that. But that wasn't as beautiful as the sleeping girl in my arms. Everything paled in comparison to her. She was the only thing that really mattered to me. I know sometimes it seems that she means nothing, but she was the only one who ever made me feel loved and cared for.

Her arms pull me impossibly closer as she nuzzles her face into my chest. It's sweet and kind of makes my heart race just a little. So, I hold her tighter, making sure she knows I'm still there for her. I watch as her lips curve into a small smile, sweet and soft. She looks content and it makes my racing heart hurt just a little.

Most of my nights consist of nightmares. They all involved her and a bullet in her brain. But the shooter was different every time. It cycles through different members of my former team pulling the trigger. All of them kill her and none of them kill me

She was bad news, Spencer, one would inevitably tell me.

Tears stream down my face as I scream at them, she was the only one who understood me, and you took her from me! You fucking took her from me!

And it always ends with me in handcuffs she turned you into this. Manipulation is powerful. We'll figure it out.

And then I wake up, gasping and checking her pulse. I know she's alive, but I need to feel it under my fingertips. I needed to feel her heart moving blood and oxygen through her system before I went off the deep end.

Though I couldn't lie. Sometimes I wondered if it was easier to jump and take her with me. In a way, I'd be saving her from fear and we'd finally be able to stop running. But I knew two things: 1) I wouldn't be able to pull the trigger on her. And 2) she wouldn't be able to kill us both.

So, we were stuck in this never-ending cycle of fear, lust, and escapism. And for now, as I held the peaceful beauty I called mine, that was going to have to be enough. I decided then that if we were cornered, I would do what had to be done. Even if it meant I took her down, I would make damn sure I went down with her.