Revenge {S.R. x Reader 18+}

Rectify

content warnings: crying, talks of manipulation, talks of "the end" (let me know if i missed anything) 

She jumped into my arms right there in the street, hugging me so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe. But it was fine, I didn't care one bit. It just felt good to hold her again. It felt good to be near her. I took her in. My hands running over her sides and gripping her shirt. Breathing her in deeply. My mind filled with all the times I've held her. All the times my hands have touched her skin.

Her shaking brought my mind back to present day. And, also, back to the fact that we were in the open. I knew they were watching me. I knew they were waiting for me to fuck up. So, I pulled her off of me, grabbing her hand and dragging her down an alleyway. My hands found her face, thumbs wiping the tears that were quickly falling.

"I missed you. I missed you so much, Spencer. Oh my god," she sniffles as she speaks, and I can't help but think about how much I missed her. To be honest, it scared me. She scared me.

She had me wrapped around her finger in more ways than one. And when we started this, I was sure she was going to be nothing more than a one night stand. It was all any girl was to me, a way to release my pent-up frustrations. But she'd become more, so much more. She was my life line, the love of my life, my partner in crime. She was dangerous and I'd made her so.

"I've been looking for you, my love," I watch the way my words make her light up.

She hugs me again, holding me tightly as if I could vanish from her, "I have too. Everywhere. But-but I haven't talked to anyone! I swear." She's slightly panicked as she assures me, she's followed my rules.

"Pup! Hey, hey its okay! I believe you. I trust you." She relaxes in my grip, "where have you been staying?"

"I- my apartment. I still had the key, so I went back. I had paid for the entire year, so no one suspected a thing! I-I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to do that!"

I smile at her, she was so cute when the was trying to impress me, "it's okay, sweet pet. You've done so good. You're still here and that's all that matters."

It was almost laughable that they had yet to identify her. Garcia was supposed to best at her job... but at the same time, I was grateful. They went easy on me, but easy on her wasn't an option. She was weak in their eyes, an easy target to manipulate. An easy target to get information from.

She smiles at me, wiping her tears before saying, "I was so worried. I thought you'd give me up if they pushed hard enough. But-but you didn't!" And then she hugs me, gripping me again tighter than before. My heart hurts that she thinks I'd give her up.

"Never. I'd suffer cruel and unusual punishment before I gave you up. I'm not going to make it easier on them, they can go through the work of identifying you." I said as I kissed the top of her head. "What do you say we head home? I could use a decent nights sleep."

I feel her nod, her head still in my chest as she breathes me in. She missed me just as much I have her. I don't know why it comforts me, but it does. When I'm with her, my mind doesn't race. Instead, all's I can think about is ways to keep her here. Ways to keep her with me besides manipulation.

I'm afraid she'll wake up one day and see the path I've taken her down for what it is. Bloody with no happy ending. Gruesome and lined with bodies. Cold and empty. It's a dead end and eventually we'll hit the wall. I cant stop myself from wondering what that wall is going to look like. I know the crash is going to hurt. Bad. And it's either going to hurt one of us, or both of us.

I want it to hurt me the most. I want it to crush my bones and suck the air from my lungs. I want to feel every ounce of pain from the crash. From the end. I want it to hurt so bad that the pains of my past pale in comparison. I don't want the crash to be fast. I want it to linger for as long as my body can take it.

I want her to feel nothing. I want her to stop mere centimeters before the wall, before the crash. I want her blind folded, headphones in with sweet music blocking the sound of impact and sirens. I want to her to feel nothing but bliss and pure happiness. She deserves it. She deserves it more than I do.

But if it does hurt her, I hope its quick. I hope it's painless and filled with beauty. Though, anything that involves her is beautiful. Because she was beautiful. I hope she feels nothing if the end involves her as well. 

.... 

a/n: Hi! i am so sorry for the short chapter! I liked the way i wrote it so i rolled with it! I hope thats okay? I love you all xx