The Light in the Darkness

Chapter 24:

April 12. 8:15pm Day 2

-Hello Journal, I had my first meeting with my therapist today so this is why I am writing. He kept asking me all these personal questions; I just don't feel like telling a complete stranger about my past. He told me to write down my thoughts and so on. I just can't. He's going to read it anyway so what's the point. He says it will help me with my inner demons. What does he know about my inner demons, absolutely nothing. So today is my first full day of rehab. I actually didn't get lost...okay maybe once Amelia helped me after she got done laughing at me. I haven't made any friends; I really don't want any because I'll be going home soon anyway. I miss everyone back home. When I'm done writing I think I'll call home. I don't see how writing my thoughts help, I feel like I'm talking to myself, no one is really listening anyway. I think I'm going to go. I'm sorry Dr. Phillips, being here is a lot harder than I thought. I just don't want to talk.

-Zoë

I put down my pen and closed my notebook. It's been a long day. Therapist session, group session, I just sat there and stared at the wall. They are all just nosey and need to stay out of my damn business; digging into my past isn't going to help me. I got up and left the room. I made my way down the hall to the lobby. I grabbed the phone and curled up on the couch in the corner. I took a deep breath then dialed mom's number.

"Hello." Mom said.

I started crying at the sound of mom's voice.

"Hi, mommy." I said softly.

"Oh, Zoë. I miss you so much. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I miss you too. I wish I wasn't here, I really don't want to be here."

"Me too." She said, "How is it?"

"Weird. There are too many people trying to get into my business."

"They're trying to help you." She said,

"Well, they need to find a different way. My past is the reason I'm like this, why go back to something that destroyed me?"

"Maybe, there's a reason for it." She said, "How is your roommate?"

"I don't have one yet. She should be here in a few days.'

"Oh. That's cool."

"Yeah, the room is too quiet. How is everyone?"

"Umm, they're okay." She said,

"Mom, what's going on?" I asked.

"Nothing, baby. Everything is fine, we just miss you."

"Okay, tell them I love them."

"I will." She said,

***

I talked to mom for almost an hour. I had to get back to the room because Beth would be there with my meds. I curled up on my bed, tears in my eyes. I miss them so much. I loved hearing mom's voice but it killed me to say goodbye again. I told her I would call her again at the same time tomorrow.

"Miss Shields."

I looked up and Beth was at my door.

"It's time for your nighttime pill."

I got up and met her at the door. She handed me a cup with the pill and a cup of water. I took them both and showed her so she knew I actually took it.

"Good job. Have a good night, miss." She smiled and left the room. I changed into my night clothes and climbed into bed. I knew it would be a matter of time before this pill would kick in and I'd drift off to sleep even if I didn't want too but I really didn't have a choice. I played with the cross around my neck until my eyes fluttered close.