The Light in the Darkness

Chapter 12:

I felt numb. The doctor's words echoed in my head. "You lost the baby." Lost, like if it was my keys or my phone, not a human. There were no feelings left in me. I sat on my bedroom floor, my back against the wall, frozen. I just sat there, staring down blankly. There were no more tears to cry; nothing to feel, no point too. They say it's not my fault but yet I feel like it is. I could have done something to prevent this. I screw everything up. How could something so wonderful get taken away so quickly? Why is this world so cruel?

"Zoë?" Mom said, coming into my room. "I brought you something to eat."

I looked up at her but didn't say anything. She crossed the room and laid the tray on my nightstand. "If you need anything at all you know where I will be." She walked to the door and turned to me. "I love you."

I looked back down, resting my chin on my knees, not saying a word. She sighed and left the room, leaving me alone again. I got up slowly and walked to the bathroom slowly. I didn't even recognize that girl in the mirror staring back at me. My hair was disheveled. My eyes were red and sunken in from crying and lack of sleep which made dark circles under my now dull blue eyes, the eyes that used to be so bright and full of life. I felt so defeated. I grabbed my razor blade out of my drawer; it's been awhile since I used it. I took it to my skin just like old times. I did it for my lost baby that I haven't met but yet loved so much. I watched as the crimson blood covered my wrist. The pain felt good. I took it to my skin a second time before putting it on the sink.

~~~

Zoë hasn't left her room for three days. She won't talk to anyone, she hasn't even eaten anything. She is starting to look really thin again. She is really worrying me. I don't even know what to do. She just sits there staring at the wall, not moving. I hesitated before knocking.

"Zoë." I opened the door softly and peeked in. "babe?"

I glanced around the room. Zoë was sitting on the floor with her back to me. I approached her slowly; I didn't want to startle her.

"Zoë." I said softly. I put my hand on her back and she looked at me with teary, scared eyes with a razor blade in her hand.

"No, baby. Please." I crouched down next to her. She had brand new cuts on her wrists and inner thighs. "Zoë." I whispered.

She broke down into tears and I put my arms around her, comforting her. A lump grew in my throat as the tears started to fall. She fell apart before me. I took the blade from her hand and put it in my pocket. I didn't say anything; I didn't really know what to say. I held onto her tightly, she cried with her face buried in my chest. I pulled her closer. After what seemed like hours, her cries softened and she fell asleep. I carried her to her bed and tucked her in, kissing her head. I went to her bathroom; I searched every drawer and cabinet for her blades. I know if she doesn't have them she won't be tempted, this has to help her. My heart stopped when I see so many blades. They were in the back of her drawer, covered by a cloth. I grabbed them all and put them down on the cloth. Retrieving the one in my pocket, I put it with the others. I wrapped them up and left the bathroom. I went downstairs, grabbed my keys and left the house. I put the blades on the passenger seat and drove to the nearest lake. I grabbed them and climbed out of the car. I stood by the water with the bundle in my hand. I took a breath. This is the right thing to do, right? It's good for her, I'm helping. I looked up at the water. Taking another breath, I launched the blades into the water. I watched as they flew into different directions, they fell than sank. I sighed with relief. I pray for all this to end, for all the pain to go away so she can be happy again. Will that ever happen again?

~~~

It's been a few days since the lake trip; I was sitting on the couch helping Sarah with her homework when I heard Zoë yell.