Phantom // Tom -Iceman- Kazansky

Chapter 13

 Hugh and I just came home and I sat down on the couch, too drained from today. Another day had passed and we were closing in on the graduation. I had barely seen Ice today and I heard that their hop had been a real flop. Mav hadn't returned yet and I really hoped that he would come around soon. If he doesn't come back soon he might never set foot in a plane again. Though I was still a bit pissed that he blamed me for 'ruining' his life and 'stealing' his dream. He borrowed my dream and tried to make me feel bad about it, like he always does. But at the same time I wanted to be true to my words, I did want to start over with him. 

  I wanted -needed- to see Ice, needed to talk to him, but he wouldn't let me. He still avoided me. And I didn't know what to do. Becaue everyhting was a lot harder now because the graduation was just around the corner and wory and axiety clawed inside me. I could barely sleep at night and it was getting bad. I needed Ice, I needed his touch, his calming embrace, I needed him to distract me from Top Gun. I needed him so much that it scared me. 

 I was slowly going insane without him. 

 Shaking my head I tried to block everything out and took a small nap. Around 5 pm I started cooking dinner for the two of us, just to distract myself. I set the table and cut some vegetables while the pasta and sauce were boiling on the stove. The radio played songs in the background and when Bon Jovi's new hit 'Living on the prayer' played I couldn't help but dance and sing along. I always liked that band and I coudn't wait to go on one of their concerts. Suddenly the phone rang and I had to turn down the volume before answering.

"This is Helia!" I answered happily, still feeling the vibe from the music.

"Hey." Slider began, "How fast can you get here? I think Ice needs you."

"I'll be there in a sec." I answered all serious now and hung up. "Hugh! The food is ready but you're going to have to eat alone!" I turned off the stove and placed everything on the table before grabbing my leather jacket and exited the house. I knew that they lived down the street and I just started running towards it. It didn't take long before I was there and after rushing up the stairs I knocked on the door. Slider opened the door the second after, like he'd been waiting for me. I entered their house, it looked exactly like mine.

"What happened?" I asked but before Slider could answer we heard a loud bang coming from upstairs, the whole house seemed to shake from the impact. It sounded like someone was throwing things around.  That's definitely someone throwing things around, I thought when two other bangs followed and I heard glass shattering. 

"That." Slider said, referring to Ice throwing things around. "I don't know what happened. Maybe he's angry because we failed the hop, I don't know. He won't talk to me."

"Is he often like this?" I questioned and Slider shook his head and said that Ice barely ever gets  angry. It was silent now upstairs and Slider told me that I should probably talk to him. With a nod I climbed the stairs and found his room at the end of the corridor. The door was closed and I put my hand on the handle, hesitating for a second. I listened for a moment, but only heard silence. With a deep breath I slowly opened the door and my eyes widened in shock. It looked like a tornado had swept around his room, things were thrown all over the floor and I saw a frame laying on the floor, broken glass around it.

In the middle of the chaos sat he with his back to me. "Tom." I said low but he didn't move his head from his hands. I walked over to him, careful not to step on anything and sat down on the floor behind him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and leaned my head against his shoulder. I felt him relax and I whispered that it was Ok. We sat like that for a long time and he put his hand on top of mine. His breathing calmed down and his tense shoulders relaxed. I didn't force him to talk about it but he knew that I was there for him.

"I saw his wife and kid today." Ice said after a few minutes, his voice husky and I knew that he referred to Carole and Bradley. "I almost orphaned him." It came out in a whisper and I didn't have to look at him to know that there were tears in his eyes. A stabbing pain pierced my heart as I imagined what that must've felt like. "The guilt and everything just... I didn't know what to do and I got so angry at myself and my stubbornness to get that shot. So I just threw everything around." He explained and I understood exactly what he meant. That raging fire in you veins, the burning under your skin and it keeps growing and growing until you don't know what to do with yourself. At that point you can't do anything other than scream, hit someone or break something. 

"It's not your fault, Tom." I whispered sadly, "You couldn't have known that Mav was so close, he was in your blind spot.  Don't beat yourself up about it. " He didn't answer though and I looked up at him. His jaw clenched and his eyes were blank but I saw the struggle. Struggling to let my words wash away the pain and the guilt, struggling to forgive himself for that misstake. My arms squeezed tighter around him and I buried my face in his shoulder, inhaling his calming scent. 

"You weren't there. You didn't see." he answered with his gaze fixed on something in front of him. His voice was tired with an edge to it.

"I know but I'm here now. And I'll never leave you. Ever" I whispered, looking up at him and we fell silent once again. It was getting late now, but I didn't care, I would stay here for as long as he needed me. The sun was already down and after a while Tom moved over to lay on his bed. I thought that was my cue to leave but he asked me to stay for a while. I laid on my side next to him. His arm went around my waist and pressed me closer to his side and I rested my head on his shoulder and chest. His thumb was drawing circles on my slightly exposed hip and I was playing with the dog tags around his neck. 

♦♛⭑✦ ☯ ✦⭑♛♦

It was closer to midnight when Tom fell asleep and I considered staying there or going back to my house. I was fully awake because of too much brain activity and I felt the need to clean up his room. Slowly I got up, trying not to wake him and I slipped off my leather jacket before beginning to clean. I started with all the books scattered all over the floor. Thankfully none of them were broken or missed pages. I put them on his book shelves except for those we used in class, those I put on his now empty desk. It was fun looking through what he read since I always loved reading and I recognized a few of them. 

I moved onto the desk and the papers all over the floor. I neatly placed them back on the desk and  picked up the broken frame. Looking at the picture I saw that it was of him, Slider and another man I didn't recognize. They were all smiling at the camera and it looked like they were at some sort of cermony. Maybe it was at the flight school. Then the other man had to be Cougar. I put it on his bedside table and carefully picked up the glass before throwing it away in his trash can. Picking up the last items I placed them where I thought they belonged and I found the beach volleyball we played with a few weeks ago. A smile made its way onto my face as I remembered that afternoon. After a last glance and seeing that the room didn't look like a warzone anymore I laid down next to Tom again.

I placed a small kiss on his cheek and whispered, "I think I love you". Closing my eyes I fell asleep.