A Court of Golden Shadow || Elain x Azriel

Chapter 30 - Rosehall

Elain's words echoed through the clearing, the rain now stopped completely as Azriel felt his breath catch, the ground beneath him falling away, as he blinked at her.

"I love you." She repeated, drawing closer toward him, her face only inches from his. "I am in complete and total love with you Azriel."

And it was in that moment, that holy, unreal, totally perfected moment, with her lips a breath away from his own, that Azriel realized that he had never in his five hundred years, felt this way.

It was as if his heart was stopping while also firing at a thousand beats per minute. It was as if he was unable to draw a single gasping breath while also breathing in the most delicious scent in the world. He felt as though he was a thousand years old, but also born again; fresh and new like a child.

And unable to control himself any longer, Azriel felt a sob heave from deep within his chest.

He choked slightly, drawing his scarred hand to his eyes, attempting to shield himself from Elain's gaze. But she shook her head, gently tugging his fingers, revealing his face to her though his tears were already cascading down his broken mask, all efforts at indifference, casual coolness, or even remnants of the passionate anger from before... all now dissipated, leaving only vulnerable innocence in their wake.

Elain smiled gently, her eyes serious as she rubbed her thumb along his scarred hand, her face still only inches from his.

"Azriel, I think about you day and night, and then again night and day. I think of what it would be like to have a future with you: to grow old together... to spend centuries with you. I think about the past you've experienced... especially the pain you've endured. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I could have gone to you when you were only a child, suffering and alone. Though my name was not yet written in the Book of Life, I wish that I could have held you: protected you the way you've always protected me."

At her tender words, her soft touch, and glowing heart, Azriel felt unable to bear the weight of his emotion. He closed his eyes, another tear falling from his lid as she continued, reaching a soft thumb up to his cheek, wiping his tears from his skin.

"I have never feared your shadows, judged your scars, or felt even the tiniest urge to draw away from your darkness." He opened his eyes, true surprise rimming his gaze as she held his stare, eyes brimming with intensity. "I can think of no better way to spend my life than to spend it with you. I dream of holding your head on my lap... stroking your hair and listening to all your stories, no matter how dark. Because I want to know all of you; I want to love all of you."

She smiled then, her thumb completing its trail down his skin, dropping to his hands again, grasping his scarred fingers as she closed her eyes, shaking her head as the words tumbled out, watering and nourishing his broken heart.

"And although I've yet to kill, I would kill for you." She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly as her voice became louder in the clearing. "Although I've yet to die, I would die for you. I would stab and I would slice, and I would do the impossible if it meant I could keep you happy... and safe." Elain's voice trembled. "And that is why I chose to kill my own happiness by being with my mate rather than bar you you from your mate."

She rose to her knees so that she was facing him, her skirts completely ruined by the moist ground. She reached toward his face, holding his head in her hands, staring at him, her curls falling to her waist as tears dropped from her dark lashes, her quiet voice piercing his very soul.

"So if you will have me, Azriel I will choose you. I will choose you every day for the rest of my immortal life. I will follow you, I will love you, and I will never leave you. To the ends of this universe or to the depth of your shadow; I will be with you. Because a life without you is not a life that I feel is even worth living."