BALH 2 OS

lizards and tomatoes

Faded blue-green lights filtered the cafe, soft Carnatic music played in the background. The room was empty and the air was still. Ram took a sip of espresso, bizarre thoughts consumed his mind. There was an unfelt calmness to the cafe, and it unsettled him. He took another sip of the espresso to soothe his spiralling thoughts. Cold monsoon wind seeped in, and Ram pulled out his phone to check the time. It's been years and yet the thought of rain troubled him. The Ram Kapoor who once found the greatest joy and peace in rain became a forgotten memory.

The cafe was almost empty. A man and a small girl about 5 or 6 years old walked in. The girl was wearing a pink flared frock and she jumped her way towards the cupcakes and pastry section. Ram watched them fight over the pastry, and a wry smile formed on his face. They walked away with two chocolate chip cupcakes and three praline pastries. The girl giggled and sang a nonsensical song with an awful sweetness. He smiled and took another sip of espresso.

He has been sitting in the cafe for an hour and a half but waiting has never been an issue for Ram. His whole life was a penance but in vain.

"Sir, you need something else?" a twenty-something-year-old boy asked.

"No, I am waiting for someone," Ram said. "What's your name?"

The boy looked at him, half puzzled and half amused and said with a smile, "Tarun"

Ram laughed at the thought that the world may end but knowingly or unknowingly there will always be a Tarun by his side. It was a sad thought, but there was an odd reassurance in it.

"Tarun," Ram stressed the name as if summoning a source of comfort. "Can you bring me a plate of chopped tomatoes and some sugar?"

Tarun gave him a quizzical glance. It was an odd request, but every time Ram felt the world slip away, he tried to hold back memories that once gave him solace.

When six-year-old Shivina cried, Ram didn't know what to do. He went to the kitchen hoping to find something to eat but to his surprise he saw Shivina sitting on the table, rubbing her eyes vigorously and munching raw tomato.

Ram picked the tomato from her and added a heap of sugar to it because he believed making things sweet would ease one's pain. Since then, it became a secret ritual between them to have sugared tomatoes when their world seems to slip away.

"Ram Kapoor?", an unfamiliar but strangely familiar voice startled him and brought him back from the memory.

He gobbled a slice of tomato and raised his head. The taste of the sugared tomato lingered in his mouth, anchoring him to the vanished familiarity of comfort.

A teenage girl dressed in all black with dyed raven hair, a washed-out face and dark lipstick stood in front of him. She looked like someone who walked out of a fancy dress competition.

"I am sorry. I don't know how to address you. I am Pihu," she pulled a chair.

Ram offered her the plate of tomatoes. She glanced at him and then at the tomatoes. It worried him whether she would find this offering absurd. What he shared with Shivi, he wanted to preserve it like a sanctuary, but he also longed to let his daughter know his world, about the tiniest things that kept him sane.

Pihu smiled and took a piece. There was a sparkle in her blue-green eyes and for a brief second, Ram could see a reflection of him in her. The soft Carnatic music changed to Kishore Kumar songs and Pihu hummed to aa chal ke tujhe.

"It's my favourite," Ram said, "It feels like..."

"Home" Pihu smiled.

A loud silence engulfed them and Ram wished for Adi or Bri to have accompanied him. He and Pihu may be father and daughter, but there are years of pain, wounds, and grief piled on them.