Misbegotten

Nine

"It's obvious that dad's affair and Sofia's presence at home has put a strain on the family the past seven years, I think we should talk about it."

"Good, that's good," Tera nodded in agreement. She must have expected as much. "Cameron, why don't you start, how does this 'strain' as you put it make you feel?"

"I understand it's hard. It was a hard thing to deal with for all of us. But I don't think the way Sofia is treated in our family is very fair," he said honestly. My heart swelled. I always knew he had my back deep down. I knew he would pull through. However, out of the corner of my eye I saw Florence's lips forming a tight line and knew it wouldn't be long until she gave her opinion.

"Chelsea what about you?" Tera asked.

"Um, well I can't lie and say Sofia and I have always been on good terms. In fact we've not ever been on good terms except for a couple days ago. It was really hard for me to deal with the fact my dad had an affair with another women and had another daughter – that was my age no less – and then for her to move in with us. I just found it really hard and a real betrayal to be honest. I suppose I took it out on Sofia even though I was angry with dad. I found it easier to take it out on her," she explained not able to make eye contact with any of us.

"Florence?"

"Well," she began her voice crisp and edgy. I immediately tensed preparing for the worst. She looked over at my dad who was staring at the floor. "A burden is a light way to put it. But I think I have done my best. I took her in when her slut of a mother died."

"Watch your mouth," I snapped staring straight at her. I could only take so much shit from her but when she started to talk crap about my mother I couldn't sit by and take it anymore. I wouldn't.

"Uh, it's Florence's turn, Sofia. You will have yours soon," Tera tried to calm me.

"I'm sorry, but I will not sit by while she says such awful things about my mother," I said never taking my eyes off Florence.

"It's only the truth dear," she said bitterly.

"Bullshit."

"Sofia," my dad interrupted in a warning voice.

"Oh of course, dad. Take her side."

"Sofia, no one is taking sides."

"Really? It sure feels like it. Not just now but all the time."

"What I did was wrong and Florence has a right to be angry," he said his voice sharp.

"It's been eighteen years."

"I only found out seven years ago. When she died," Florence revealed. "Sometimes I wonder if I should be thankful you're alive because if it weren't for you, Robert would have never told me. But I'm not thankful because I would've rather not known. The pain is too immense." Florence said her voice beginning to shake lightly. "I've only ever seen your mother in pictures. But you look just like her. Every single time I look at you, I think of everything that has happened. All that you represent. Such betrayal. Such shame."

"I didn't ask for this to happen," I yelled out. I couldn't take this anymore. This was not my fault. "I didn't ask for her to die. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for dad to cheat on you with her." My anger was boiling over the edge and it took everything I had not to completely explode. Chelsea had taken Cleo out of the room. I was thankful for that, Cleo didn't need to see this. Cameron was sitting quietly next to me, a protective and comforting hand resting on the arm of my chair.

"No, you may not have asked for it but it happened," she said tears beginning to form in her eyes. "But you're all that remains of it, and I wish sometimes you would disappear." The tears flooded over and sprawled done her cheeks ruining her perfect makeup that she took so much pride in. I couldn't lie and say I felt nothing for her. In fact I wanted to cry too. I felt ashamed of my parents in that moment; and I felt horrible that I had to be around to remind her of it constantly. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. However, this did not waver my anger. This still wasn't my fault. I knew it wasn't and if I let her keep treating me like shit for it nothing would ever change. We had both made mistakes and it was time for her to stop treating me as if I was nothing more than the dirt beneath her feet.

"Oh darling," dad immediately moved to comfort her placing an arm around her shoulder and wiping her tears away. "I wish I could take your pain away. I will apologise every day for the rest of my life if I have too. I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I promise." He whispered to her but we could all still her him.

"It's not Sofia's fault mum," Cameron said softly. A last attempt I imagined, for this night to fix anything. But it only made Florence cry more.

"I will fix this," my dad repeated. "If I could take it all back I would. Every single thing. I wish I could take it all back and so none of it would have ever happened. So we could be happy still."

His words were like a stabbing sensation in my chest and my stomach dropped down to my feet. Everything went silent as his words went haywire in my head. Take it all back. Every single thing. All my anger evaporated and I choked back a sob. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand hoping no one would notice but they all did. My dad's head quickly turned in my direction.

"Oh, Sofia, I didn't." I shook my head cutting him off.

"Don't even try, I know you meant it." I shook my head wiping my tears. I couldn't take it anymore so I quickly stood up to leave.

"Sofia please don't leave," Tera tried to stop me.

"Sof!" Cameron tried next. My dad didn't try again and all I could hear was Florence's gentle sobs in the background as I ran away from it all. I didn't stop though. I just kept running and running even though I was no longer anywhere near them and I knew no one would come after me. Sobs racked through me shaking my whole body from head to toe. It got so bad I had no choice but to stop running and lean up against a tree in an effort to regain control of my breathing. Except I couldn't seem to get it under control. Every time I would calm down his voice would fill my mind and I would start crying again. It was the worst kind of crying too. The one where it hurt every inch of my body. Where my face was completely soaked by my tears and it felt as if my lungs were going to cave in or I was going to vomit, whichever came first. What hurt the most was that he lied only moments before. He told me he cared and then he turned around and finally said what he's been thinking all these years. That he thinks of me as a burden too. If he could do it again, I wouldn't be a mistake he would make twice. I would always be the bastard child. The misbegotten one. And it hurt like hell and for once in my life I let it hurt. I didn't push it away; I let the pain consume me with the hope I would come out stronger on the other end. But as I slid down the tree I couldn't help but feel like nothing could fix this and maybe sometimes what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger at all, but instead leaves you completely broken.