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CHAPTER ELEVEN

THERE IS NO DINNER. And we don't sleep either, the sun rising as passionate hands are traded. With the desperate deed done, Edmund plants a gentle kiss on my lips. As he lies back, both our heads now on the pillows, I stroke Edmund's delicate, dark hair as he lies next to me. In the soft glow of the early morning light filtering through the blinds, he winces slightly as he rubs his temples.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Just a bit tired." H rests his arms back to his side, his pale halos of ice gently close and startle open again, seeming to fight the exhaustion from taking away his view of me.

"It's all right. Don't fight it. Get some rest," I whisper, watching as he finally relaxes his eyelids. His bare chest rising and falling with a gentle ease, I pull the sheets and duvet over the warmth of his naked perfection and up to the base of his neck.

I wonder if this means were officially together now, but I shudder as I consider the possibility that his fame won't allow him to be with me, publicly—if at all. My fear of abandonment kicks me in the chest, reminding me that I'll always be alone despite it all. Then, it dawns on me that perhaps this is what he wanted all along, that he was telling me everything that I wanted to hear just to get his one night with a virgin like me. He told me that we could visit each other just to cheer me up enough to get me in bed. I wonder if I'm just another box to tick off on his old bucket list.

Is Edmund really just playing with me?

Deep down, I can't escape the feeling that he'll just abandon me as painfully as everyone else already has—and deep down, I know that I deserve the loneliness that relentlessly squeezes me within its inescapable clutches. I glance at the corner of the room at my pile of clothes. Perhaps I should save myself some trouble and just leave him, before he has the chance to leave me. The deep, dark void grows in the pit of my chest as I sit up on the bed and begin to rise up to get dressed.

"Don't go." Edmund's hand gently catches my wrist, his sleepy halos of ice awash with such an apparent sadness that it aches my chest. He groans as he gently tugs with a seemingly desperate insistence before he releases me with a seemingly hesitant resignation as if to allow me to make my agonizing choice. His eyes shut and his pale lips quiver ever so slightly, curling downwards. As he clutches the bedding to his chest, burying his face into the folds, he whimpers, "I beg you—stay."

His body curls up, entangling himself with the sheets and I begin to recognize my own fear of abandonment as it seems to play out before my very eyes. Perhaps I'm wrong about him—maybe I'm the one who needs to give this a chance. Whether it turns out well, or not, I need to find the courage to try. I can't let the darkness consume me. I won't let my fears control me. I return to bed, embracing him tightly as I embrace my change of heart. His body relaxes into me and he raises his head to meet my gaze, the heart-melting softness in his halos of ice revealing themselves once again. I lean in and our lips meet gently in silence. Cupping his cheek, I pull back as I pay him a reassuring smile.

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere," I say, softly as he returns my smile. I stroke his hair and give his perfect lips another quick kiss to reassure him that I'll keep my promise. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Let no goodbyes ever part our lips for, forever, we shall seek each other, always and again," he says as his eyes gently close, surrendering himself to his well-deserved rest.

As I let the beauty of his peaceful, perfect features sink into my mind, I let the beauty of his words sink into my soul, realizing that I couldn't have been more wrong about him and his intentions—he wants to be with me seemingly as desperately as I want to be with him. Bare skin entangled and entwined with my naked soul, I lose myself in his warmth, fulfilled as never before. I drift away, no longer afraid to be carried off wherever the tide will take me, so long as I can be with him.