The World Inside Our Dreams: Book One

In Kyung

I walk to my desk and those that walk past me burn their eyes at me. Some of them carry awe in their looks while others try to stab my heart.

They don't know that I've slowly been creating armor for my heart ever since I was a child. I ignore their stares and walk right past them. I don't let it bring me down too easily. These past six months have taught me to hold back tears no matter how much it bruises my heart.

I sit at my desk with a sigh. It feels like I have to push through obstacles just to sit in this chair every morning. Who would have known that I once was going to get my license taken away? If it weren't for In-joo, I'd probably be unemployed and drinking my sorrows away. Instead, I brought an uprising as people whisper.

You would think that after revealing the most scandalous story in history I would get a promotion for excellence in reporting and investigation. Instead, I've gotten more enemies.

I lie to my sister every night during dinner when she asks me if I'm getting treated well at work. I don't tell her about the envious scoffs and the hateful comments I get every morning during work. That's why I keep my head down like I used to. It's in these moments that I wish I could have listened to Jongho and gone to the States with him.

I miss him.

I clear my throat whenever I get these thoughts. I pop a hard candy in my mouth so the coffee flavor can silence how much I miss my best friend.

"Ms. Oh."

I look up from my notepad and smile at our new secretary, Ms. Lee. She's one of the few that gives me a genuine smile.

"The director wants you in his office."

"Okay. I'll be there in a second." I return her kind smile and she gives me a slight bow before walking off.

My mind decides to bring up the possibilities as to why he asked to see me. He's clearly annoyed at me. He asked me not to go ahead with the story about the Park family and their twisted past. He even threatened to fire me. He did fire me at one point, but he said that my persistence is what seems to save me every time. Thanks to me, his company is the top reporting station most spoken of in the city.

Nevertheless, I still give him a humble nod when I walk in. "You asked to see me?"

"Yes. I need you to go to the nearby elementary school. Apparently, they're doing a fundraiser for the next generation of government leaders. Thanks to you, people are afraid to even run for mayor in the next election. You should start going now. You'll be broadcasting live in about an hour."

He doesn't even look at me as he continues reviewing articles. I try to ignore his hurtful words, but I can't help it today. Just as I'm about to step out, I close the door behind me when I step back inside. This makes him look up with a glint of surprise in his blank expression.

"I don't get it," I say. "What have I done to be such an outcast?"

He does a slight chuckle that makes my blood boil. "You're a journalist and you don't watch the news? If you haven't realized yet, you've created quite a stir, Ms. Oh."

"That is what we have to do. That's what being a reporter is about!"

"There are yet many lessons you have not understood, Ms. Oh." He lets out a tired sigh. He always does when I'm around as he says, "Sometimes, being a reporter requires strategic actions and that includes silence. It's not that we want to hide away the truth. It's that we need to know when that truth must be spoken."

"After years of suicides and murders, when would it have been the right time?"

I burn my eyes at him but as always, he keeps a blank face and says, "No one ever knows but clearly, it wasn't now."

He stands from his desk as his words make surprise run through my expression, leaving a clenched jaw on my face. He drops a file of papers by the edge of his desk so that I can take it and mumbles, "Just go do as I say. You're lucky you even get to be on TV still. Despite the skills you've demonstrated with the Park embezzlement, you are still a beginner."

I loved this job for the first time while I was working with the Park family. For the first time, I had that exhilarating feeling I always dreamed of as a journalist. I no longer had to hold back tears. I felt stronger on my own and I no longer had to fake it. But as I numbly walk back to my desk, I feel like I'm back to the very start when I found no reason to strive in this job. It's why I hid alcohol. It was the only way to push through the thick air of disappointment and heaviness at this job.

But I ignore that familiar wanting to find escape through alcohol and get my things ready for the broadcast. As I get my microphone fixed on the collar of my shirt, I see one of the men helping with setup come up to me after putting his phone away. I give him a small smile but he does not return it as he bluntly says, "Boss says you're done for today after this."

I furrow my brows at him and start to say, "What? But I just got to work!"

"We're on in five!" He ignores my wide eyes and I scoff at these news. This is incredible. Who would think that doing the right thing would cost me so much?

But I push back my pain and clear my throat. Numbness. Blank thoughts. I let the world silence around me as I hear them countdown from five in the comms. Then I numbly read what's on the screen in front of me. I let the world see my numb heart as I tell a story of a future that could bring worse things than what I found a few months ago.

But does it matter if it comes from a poor woman with no contacts that could save her? My great aunt died because I looked too deep into the truth. Guilt reminds me of her dull eyes in my sister's arms. I let out a sigh as I walk up the dirty streets of my neighborhood. People with sullen faces are the only ones that occupy these rotting apartments. I walk with them as I keep my eyes down and listen to their ongoing whispers.

My feet guide me to the closest market. It's barely a grocery store but it's the cheapest place we can get food from. I take out my phone and dial In-joo's number. She doesn't answer the first time but by the second time she finally says, "Hello?"

"What was it that you needed for groceries? I can go get them now."

"Aren't you at work?"

"Yeah but my boss let me go." I stay silent for a moment when I realize that he's been doing this for the past month.

Like always, In-joo always seems to hear my crying heart. She gently says, "Don't worry. We'll get by just fine this month. We always do. I'll send you the list by message."

"Thanks, unnie."

"Alright. I just sent it. Thank you by the way. I might be home late today. Could you make dinner tonight before In-hye arrives?"

"Sure thing," I say with a lighter smile. "Don't worry. I got it."

"I know you do. See you then. Stay safe, okay?"

"You know I can't promise you that."

My heart heaves a sigh of relief at the sound of her gentle laugh. "Yes. You have proven that to me. As long as you come back home at the end of the day."

"I ask the same for you, unnie. I'll see you later."

I hang up with a smile and lift my head up again. People stare at me as I enter the market but I don't care. I did what was right and we faced death because of it. I want to see them try to risk their lives for the safety of their families.

They can shut me down or silence me, but at least I can go back home at the end of the day.