again ↠ chenji

15

"aren't you?" jisung asked calmly.

but nervous at the same time, he just pissed him off and he knows he's dead.

chenle just glared at him which made jisung gulp, since the others are just in front of them, chenle tried to calm himself down and left the living room before he shouts at jisung.

"shouldn't we get worried that they are arguing too seriously?" haechan asked in a low voice as he leaned closer to his boyfriend, mark.

"they argue a lot these days..." renjun also whispered.

later on, jisung also left and made his way inside his room. he even slammed his door loudly but chenle was different. he also slammed his door shut but more loudly to the point they thought that the door was ruined.

"is that how they argue?" jaemin asked in a low voice.

"no," jeno shook his head. "this is different," he whispered.

"you know, the two really look like they have a past." renjun said.

while the person who knows the truth suddenly looked at renjun after he said that.

"dude, look how they argue. it was too serious." he gasped.

"right? they look like they are already used to it." haechan agreed.

"you know, if they said they really had a past, i won't be surprised by it." mark said.

"you know, just leave the two alone. how about you guys come with me to buy some stuff?" baekhyun joined the conversation.

"aren't we going to ask the two?" renjun asked curiously.

"nah, let's just leave them." baekhyun said.

and just like what baekhyun said, they really left the two alone. later on, the two left their own rooms at the same time which made them look at each other.

"le," jisung immediately stopped him when the older one was about to go inside.

"you know what, ji? if we're going to argue again about ningning, let's just stop, okay?" he said calmly, sounding frustrated by it.

"but can i ask a question?" jisung asked.

"what?" he frowned.

"why did you reject her offer to be her prom's partner?" he asked curiously.

chenle stared at him for a few seconds before looking away and letting out a sigh, maybe this is already the time to say and let out everything.

"i'm not straight, i don't like her. is that enough?" and he rolled his eyes, making his way to the kitchen and jisung followed him.

"i feel like it's not your only reason." jisung said.

"you know, it's really hard to have a conversation with you." chenle said and let out a chuckle. "you really know me."

"come on, le." jisung said softly.

chenle didn't respond since he drinks water first that he get from the fridge. he already rejected ningning's want but the girl really want him to be her partner, chenle is the only guy she knows and she's close with (well not that really close) because they knew each other since they were kids.

she can't even bring her girlfriend to that prom because no one even knows that she was interested in girls and not boys.

"the guests are required to have a dance with their partner, right?" he started. "you know, i can really help her since we're friends but... i just really can't..."

"those romantic dances... i treasure it a lot." he finished off, smiling.

"but we already broke up." jisung said. "it's been two years, le."

"and i hate myself because i still love you!"

jisung knows what chenle means based on what he said, chenle treasures a lot of memories and doings he did with jisung.

"i hate myself because the whole two years of convincing myself that i had already moved on, turns out it's not because i really can't..." and he burst out in tears. "i hate myself because i keep falling for you... even though you left me without telling me the reason."

"ji... why? what did i do to you to leave me like that?" his voice cracked. "because it's still questioning me and it's hurt... why are you acting like you didn't hurt me back then and keep giving me mixed signals?"

"chenle—"

"you know, it's also funny to think that after two years we will meet again. we act like we don't have a past, we act like something never happened back then." he chuckled. "and it's funny to think that i'm still a fool."

"look what just happened, i fell in love again and the feelings become more deeper. what the fuck did you to me to make me like this, ji? why do you keep hurting me? why do you keep making me fool?" he sobs.

"le, grandpa died the night we broke up."

silence.

the silence covered the entire dorm, their only sobs that they could only hear. chenle was stuffed in his place and still can't process what jisung said.

"remember the time when my phone rangs? grandpa is already waiting for me. le, it was the time he was saying goodbye to all of us and i failed to hear it. i was late to hear it." his voice cracked.

"a week before that day, he told me to pursue architecture," he continued. "didn’t we promise that we will take medical technology, bub?"

chenle felt like he was going to explode after jisung called him to their endearment, it feels like his heart wanted to come out from his chest.

"and i was scared because i know we can't pursue it together. i'm scared that our plans won't happen just because of me. i'm scared to the point the only reason i think is to break up with you which is the most decision i regret to make." and he cried harder.

"bub, i'm sorry... we didn't make it together..."