Isn't existence so beautiful? From the structure of atoms to the structure of the universe, it all seems too perfect. Science is God's work and yet it goes unappreciated. Then, there are humans. Such ugly creations. They make everything worse, slaughter each other, enslave. SOME OF THEM DON'T ACCEPT GOD'S WORK. They deny, making shit up for their stupid beliefs. Not all are ugly, some of them are really beautiful, some of them are victims of this ugliness. I will be the hero to cleanse this world.
When I was little, I used to have a hiding spot. To run away from... them. I could hide in it forever. A small building-shack-thingy near the outskirts of the forest. Silent, filled with nature, and alone with God's work. I spent so many hours there, reading about Science and appreciating nature multiple times a week. Then, on a cold cozy night during the winter, loud yet smooth shouts of a girl can be heard. Is this a disruption or a divine intervention from God? As curious as I had ever been, I took the opportunity and followed the voice. I saw something beautiful.
A girl, close to my age crying barely wearing any clothes. She looked so natural and yet so torn. Her smooth yet scarred skin and her silky yet crumpled hair. I could tell that she was born a beautiful person but was tainted by ugly people. I approached her slowly. She winces and took a step back. "My name is Drew," I told her. Yet, no replies. I slowly reached for her hand and signaled her to follow me. She resisted me at first but I couldn't let such beauty die out in this cold weather. She has yet to bloom.
I took her into the hiding spot. There wasn't any fire. I hoped having a roof or a part of a roof is enough. Her body looked comforted but her expression is still in distraught. I gave her one of the sheets I use to sleep with and some of my snacks. She hesitated to touch my stuff but once she did, she felt much better. Her distraught expression slowly grew away, her eyes being more rested than ever, her body cozily cuddling with my shit. I couldn't help it. She is just "So beautiful".
Then, there was silence. I look at her as she looks back at me. That was EMBARASSING. I immediately apologized while looking like an embarrassing dork. But she didn't say anything. In fact, she got more confused. Did she not understand me? Did she think I am a bad person? Even if she didn't, I should be embarrassed of myself. I couldn't help but stand up and tried to leave. Once she noticed, she finally said her first words, "You're beautiful".
We started talking. I learned her name was Kate. She was running away from her parents because they have done very ugly things to her. Such a poor girl. She deserved so much better. She was supposed to be beautiful but I will save her. I will be the hero. Years went by and we've practically become best friends. We even went to the same school and class because she failed a grade. Her parents were still ugly and I have insisted on helping her yet she refuses. Since she wass my friend, I had to support her as I believe in beautiful friendships.
High school came along sooner than I expected. I had to choose my career sooner or later. Of course, I am most interested in all the Science subjects, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, and Psychology. To me, Biology is the greatest. Humans are God's most beautiful creation. Learning how the human body and organs work is so satisfying. In Bio class, we didn't get to actually see real human organs but we do get to cut up some small animals. A fondness for sharp objects grew over me. It is sooo satisfying to just cut up things and more satisfying to cut them up neatly and perfectly. I started to carry scissors around everywhere. Whenever I am bored, I would just ***
Kate didn't like Science subjects. Said it was too hard. I pity her. I pity all of those who are stained and don't understand the beauty of God's creations. I know one day she will come to her senses and I will make sure she does. Wonderfully, she still took some of them. She might have done it just to be in class with me but she is on the right path!
As high school years go by, she started to struggle more with her studies and her family. Her mental health is getting worse. She comes by the hiding spot less frequently. I would say I am worried for her but there is nothing I can do. She didn't tell me a lot about her situation, she just asked me for help with her studies. Sometimes I can see her cuts, they were so clean and satis She asked me to help her cheat multiple times. She started drinking and hurting her beautiful body. I despised that as it disrespects God himself but she was in a rough place. After she gets out of this ugly part of her life, she can continue onto a beautiful path.
I was wondering why she acted so differently lately. I know she was hiding something from me and she knew that I knew. It was only a matter of time. Soon, she came out to me.
"Drew.... I have a partner"
"Why didn't you tell me earlier, I am not jealous Kate I am PROUD! I would ne-"
"She... not he... I didn't want to tell you because you are a bit......"
She didn't finish her sentence but I knew what she meant. What is the point of the organs that God gifted us if we don't use them properly? Shouldn't we appreciate His creations instead of just wasting them? I was deeply frustrated and angry. How could my closest friend be this ugly? I hate this, I hate this SO MUCH. No matter how much this despises me and God, I didn't lose my temper. She is still my friend. She still could change, she still could be better. I won't give up on my friends.
"I love you," I said holding my anger within.
"I love... you too" Kate said with so much doubt in herself.
Over the months of the final year, I helped her countless times. I failed countless times. Sometimes I could see her regretting asking me for help. She rarely came by the hiding spot. She was having too much fun with her girlfriend. I am mostly okay with that. Once school finish, she can focus on being beautiful. As usual, I helped her study and cheat for the final exam. She did much better than before yet she looks distraught even after the exam.
After the exams finished, she wanted to have a talk with me. I wanted to show her something in the hiding spot so we agreed to meet up there.
"You still spend your weekends here?" she asked
"Yeah, always wait for you too" I answered
"Sorry about that" she replied
"Remember the first night you were here?" I took out some sheets from a box
"Its quality isn't good but I thought you would like it" I smiled, handing it to her
Kate didn't smile, she frowned.
"Drew, I want to stop being friends with you" -K
"Why..." -D
"...." -K
"But I have helped you so much" -D
"I know... I'm sorry" -K
"Is it because of that girl you're fucking with?? Did she hurt you? Or is it your parents??" -D
"No Drew, it's you. I can't be with you anymore" -K
"Are you fucking serious? How long have you planned this" -D
"...." -K
"Were you just using me then? DID YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AS A FRIEND" -D
"NO, oh my god I really do love you Drew but-" -K
"BUT WHAT? ARE YOU JEALOUS THAT I GOT GOOD GRADES?? OR DO YOU THINK THAT I'M TRYING TO HURT YOU FOR BEING LESBIAN EVENTHOUGH I HAVE HELPED YOU SO MANY FUCKING TIMES"
"YOU'RE JUST A WEIRDO. A WEIRD, HOMOPHOBIC, SHARP-LOVING WEIRDO. ALL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT GODS CREATION OR SOME SHIT BUT I DON'T CARE FOR THAT. I LOVED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE. I DON'T WANT TO BE INDOCTRINATED BY YOUR FUCKED UP MINDSET. I WANT TO BE MY OWN PERSON EVEN IF THAT HARMS MY BODY. EVEN IF MY PARENTS HATE ME FOR IT. BUT YOU, YOU'RE JUST A BIG PAIN IN THE ASS. IT HURTS ME WHEN YOU HELPED ME BECAUSE I ONLY USED YOU. THAT'S THE ONLY SHIT YOU'RE GOOD AT, YOUR GRADES!"
Then, there was a moment of silence. She looked at me as I look back at her. That was awful. Kate immediately apologized while looking like an ugly human. But I didn't say anything, in fact, I got even more upset. Did she not understand me? Did she think I'm a bad person? Even if I am, she should be proud of me for all the things. She couldn't help but looked away and tried to leave. Once I noticed, I said my final words to her. "You're ugly"
She was so ugly... so I made her beautiful
