Goosebumps

Mid-night Confessions

Those midnight talks hit different when they aren't supposed to happen.

What started out has a simple conversation that should have lasted for 20 mins tops, turned into a six-hour video call with them talking about everything and anything.

They said things to each other that could only be said in the comfort and freedom that only midnight talks offer.

Although she wouldn't admit this now that it's morning and with the sun, the shame really does come, she enjoyed it.She enjoyed talking to him. She enjoyed the conversation and the not conversations that transpired between them.

Honestly, she missed that. She missed being able to talk to a person that was interested in her on a conversational level. She hated that she only did that with him. She actually confessed that to him too.

"I think you've ruined me for other people.""What do you mean? How could I have ruined you?""I don't talk to others the way I talk to you. Believe me, I've tried. The others that I've talked to don't know me....Not like you do. They don't know the real me.""Yea..Knowing you would take time. Just make an effort and try to let them in."

She did try, but it didn't work.

What she didn't tell him was that the others didn't try. They didn't try to see beyond her pretty exterior and the fucked up perfect image they had made of her in their heads. Unlike him, they didn't try to see HER.

They didn't listen to HER.

They didn't love HER.

What she didn't tell him was that was one of the reasons she seemed unable to move from THEM.

Not even the comfort of midnight talks would allow her to say that.

HE saw HER. HE listened to HER.HE loved HER. He UNDERSTOOD Her.

And she loved that. 

She loved that more than anything.

She wouldn't admit this, but that's what she used to judge the others that tried to come into her life.

"How much do they love me?""Do they really understand me?""Do they really listen? Do they want to listen?"

The answer to most of these questions were NO, no they didn't. Most didn't want to or maybe she wouldn't let them.

"I think i liked (loved) you too much, so now I have no more to give to anyone else."

He didn't know how to respond to that. So they sat there in silence, the interference of the phones crackling between them.

"Do you think you will ever be able to stop talking to me?"

When she asked this question, it was dawn. The skies have changed from a midnight blue to gentler, lighter blue. Even though it was no longer midnight, the confidence, the vulnerability of the night remained.

"No. I don't think so. I tried, remember? And here we are. Five years later."
"Do you love me?""Yea. Yea I do."

The sky was now blue. 

The birds chirped and the cock crowed three times. 

They finally said good night, or rather, good morning. She closed her eyes, content, happy, with all that had transpired.

It was now midday, and the shame was fucking hitting. She was not happy. Remorse had it's tight grip on her. She couldn't believe she said that, so all she can think is............ Those midnight talks really hit different when they aren't supposed to fucking happen.

Fin