There are times,
When I feel your presence by my side.
There are times,
When I hear you say it'll be alright.
-Chán Juãn
No matter how much time,
There is in this life.
I'll think of you from time to time,
And always remember you with a smile.
...
Surprisingly, the waterfall wasn't to loud from here. It just.. Seemed so perfect. I had no clue on how he found this place or if he even made it himself, for some reason, it felt like a sacred ground.
Like, it had history. For some odd reason.. I felt at home here. It made me feel at home. I felt peaceful here and.. I honestly couldn't wait to spend some time with him here. To get to know him better.. And, to just.. Communicate.
About everything.
Maybe then, I'd feel free. Completely free. Not haunted.. By my past. By memories.
We'll see, we'll see what the future may bring.
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We rather quickly settled down at this.. Cozy sized cottage. There was this one particular area though, it was outside of the cottage but a part of it at the same time, it was even protected from the rain. It was like a wonderful area to relax at, if you'd want to be outside.
I just, felt drawn to the place and, well, sat down on a cushion, Yíchén sitting down right next to me. I took deep breaths, enjoying the feeling that the wind brought and the amazing view. I mean, who wouldn't?
Then, he started talking.. It sounded soothing, yet made me remember the painful reality. That I wasn't a maiden free of worry. That, I had to face reality. I had to face myself. I had to.. Find myself and figure it all out.
"I brought you here, to relax and well.. To spend some quality time with you. However, this is just for a moment sadly, so, let's use this time. To figure ourselves out, find our bottom lines and help each other positively. I don't know how long we'll be at peace. After all, who knows with that crazy Emperor."
Right.. There was still that guy. I forgot about him.. I guess, I should really start, opening up and all. I trust him after all.. And I wish for a future between us.
"Um, so.. I'm not really sure where to start. Please give me a moment.." I muttered out, while feeling a blush emerge. I'm nervous, okay!
"Of course, take your time. I'll wait for you." He stated.. So calmly, while patting my head a few times.. It felt so soft, warm.. Soothing. It, no, he, made me feel safe. Less nervous. He reassured me.. Without even noticing.
I had a sudden burst of strength. I sudden.. bravery, I felt like, I could tell him anything. That he wouldn't judge.. Just, listen.
"So, Since I was born, I.. Was viewed differently you could say. I didn't have the beautiful green eyes of my mother, nor the deep knowledgeable maroon eyes of my father. I.. Had, have. These crimson, blood red eyes. These, scared people."
I paused for a second and took a deep breath, before continuing.
"It made me insecure about them, I slowly started to hate them. Loath them even.. My eyes.. I subconsciously started to hid them. However, that didn't stop the curses, the names, the blame.."
I tried not to.. But my voice couldn't help but to start to shake.. In the end, I still believed that. I still thought that way, it was hard not to after all.
"They call me many names.. Bastard, Demon, bad luck, a curse.. Even, witch. Though I tried to act like it didn't matter, or just kept smiling.. It still hurt me. I could even tell that my parents didn't like my eyes. They didn't really care about me.. Only about my value. Yet, I still yearn for their approval, their love.. Affection.. B-but, I know it's just a stupid, hopeless fantasy."
I wasn't even done with everything, yet it became harder and harder for me to breath. Tears were already sliding down my face, I just.. Wanted to hid. My faults, imperfections.. Unsightly appearance.
I didn't notice when he embraced me, hugged me. But before I could even try to stop crying, It was as if a flip was switched. My tears kept coming, I held him tightly, and just.. Cried. Letting out my frustrated wails, my sufferings.. My trauma.
He didn't leave me, he didn't mind that his clothes were getting damp. He just, hugged me and soothingly rubbed my back, in a circular motion. Slowly, calming me down. While whispering so sincerely.
"Ignore them, think of only me. I'm right here, right now. Think of the now.. It'll be okay, don't get trapped in your negative thoughts. Negative emotions.. Ignore them, let them go. I'm here. Shh.."
