Starting Over

Chapter 13

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing," he says but he looks anxious.

"No, something is wrong."

"What you did tonight, I didn't think I'd see that side of you again. Not for a while as least."

"Which side?" I ask.

"The fearless side that seems to know what it's doing no matter how long it's been since you've been put in a situation like that."

I laugh. "We were in war, you know. It's easier for that side to come back when it's like second nature. Besides, it's only been two years."

"Can I try something?"

"Always."

He sets his hands on my waist and slowly leans his head to mine. His lips gently brush over mine. He draws his head back. I rise up on my toes to wind my hands in his hair and pull him back to me, but he pushes my arms back to my sides. His hands settle on my waist and he starts kissing me again.

The kisses get deeper and deeper and I wrap my fingers around his belt loops to draw him toward me. He quickly steps towards me. One of his hands slides over my waist and onto my back, crushing me to him.

"Tris."

He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He pushes me up against the wall, his lips hard against mine.

"Tobias, can we go somewhere?"

He nods and backs away from the wall and starts walking down the hall. His lips only leave mine when he goes to open his door. When the door's closed and locked he starts kissing me. He caries me over to the bed and lays me down.

"Tris?"

"Yes?"

"What do you want? Do you want-"

"Yes."

<<<•>>>

In the morning I wake in in Tobias's arms, one wrapped around my back and the other draped over my shoulder, playing with my hair. I run my thumb over his hip.

"Tris?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

I prop myself up on one elbow and glare down at him. "For what?"

"I promised we'd go slow, and that was the exact opposite of slow."

"Tobias," I whisper as I run my hand through his hair. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I didn't want to go slow. I thought you wanted to go slow after how awful I was the last time."

"You weren't awful, Tris."

"Yes, I was. What kind of person lets their boyfriend believe they were dead? What kind of person does so many stupid things that keep hurting the ones they love?"

"The king of person who cares enough to sacrifice everything, even if it means hurting the ones they love. Bravery isn't just being able to beat the crap out of someone or shoot a gun or throw a knife, true bravery is when you're willing to put yourself at risk for something you believe in. True bravery is being able to sacrifice everything for the good of the group." He stares down at me. "True bravery is being selfless."

He stares down at me, his eyes hard but shining with compassion. "I love you," I whisper. A second later his lips are on mine and he's kissing me. My head spins and all I can think about is him.

"We can't do this right now, Tris."

"Why?" I ask as I press my lips back on his. He kisses me back but then pulls away again.

"Because I have a meeting that I have to go to, and if I'm not there Christina will come looking for me. I'm guessing you haven't told her who you are yet and this would not be the way for her to find out."

"You're right," I sigh as I unwrap myself from him and stand up. "I should probably go to breakfast so I'm not late for the fights today."

"You won't be. You all have today off since you were out late last night and today's visiting day." He smiles at me as he stands up.

"So I'll see you this afternoon?"

"If you go to the training room. I have to be in there to help anyone who wants extra help."

"I may just stop by."

"Maybe I can help you some."

"Maybe," I say with a mischievous smile as I get dressed and walk out the door.

<<<•>>>

I'm extremely late to breakfast so I grab a muffin and an apple and head to the training room.

"B," I hear someone call from behind me. I turn around and see Malachi standing with Risa, Austin, Tamra, Zach, and Grant. "We're going to the roof if you want to join."

"I'm in," I say as I take a bite of my apple.

"Come on," Malachi laughs as he wipes away the apple juice that's dribbling down from my mouth. His thumb gently glides over my lower lip.

"What did Four want with you last night?" Tamra asks.

"Not much, just to tell me everything I did wrong and point out all my useless risks. He wasn't too happy about some stuff I said to Christina either."

"What did you say to Christina?" Austin asks, bewildered.

"Just pointed out that it was her group that chose the spot and if that didn't work out for her then that wasn't my fault."

Austin shakes her head and laughs. "I'm surprised she didn't pummel you right there and leave you lying in the street!"

"I'm not afraid of Christina."

"You should be!" Tamra exclaims. "I'm seriously starting to think you have a death wish!"

"Maybe I do," I reply as I flash her a wicked grin. This earns a smile from Risa.

"How about this, when you die we'll mourn you by doing stupid, reckless shit?" asks Zach.

"You mean like this?" Tamra asks as she pulls a large, dark bottle from her jacket pocket.

"Where did you get that?" whispers Zach in awe.

"I know a guy," Malachi says.

"You?" asks Grant.

"Yes me," Malachi laughs as he playfully shoves Grant. He bursts through the door to the roof.

We all sit down on the roof, enjoying the sun. It's mildly warm with a nice breeze that whips through my hair.

"Who wants to drink first?" asks Tamra. Nobody volunteers. "Fine, I'll do it."

She tips her head back and takes a long sip straight from the bottle. After a second she comes back up for air and coughs a little. "Who's next?"

"Hand it here," Zach says enthusiastically. He takes large gulps before he passes it along.

Malachi drinks next, followed by Grant, Austin, and Risa. Eventually I'm the only one who hasn't had any yet.

"Common B, just try it," Risa tells me as she shoves the bottle in my direction.

"Common little Stiff, or are you afraid?" This comes from Zach. He's staring at me with such intensity that I take the bottle.

"If you don't want to-" I hear Malachi start to say as I tip the bottle up and take a small sip. It tastes disgusting and I spit it everywhere. They all laugh at me but I don't care. That stuff is disgusting! There is no way I'm drinking that!