Still With You | BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan) : A Sequel to 'Euphoria'

"If I Let You Go, Would You Be Happier?..."

I feel tears stream down my face at what he's singing, letting myself relax into his touch, the motion of his body against mine; letting my guard down. Taehyung always knows how to soothe me.

"Ella," he says into my ear. "Talk to him. Let him explain, okay?" He tells me and I feel my heart clench in my chest.

"You know," I say out loud.

"Yes, we all knew," he says. "But, it isn't like it sounds. You need to talk to him," he reiterates.

"Okay," I say. He squeezes me softly and then gets up and stands in front of me. He reaches his hands up to help me stand and I get up slowly. I face him and he leans down and kisses my forehead.

"Everything is going to be fine," he tells me. "I promise you," he finishes. As if on queue, the door knocks and I see Namjoon poke his head in the door.

"Can we talk?" He asks me. I nod at him. Taehyung kisses my cheek and makes his way out the door.  He pats Namjoon on the shoulder as he walks out, closing the door behind him.

Namjoon looks up at me; his eyes are red and hurt. It breaks me apart to see him like this but that doesn't mean that i'm not also broken.

"Eleanor," he lets out softly as he walks to me. He stops in front of me and reaches out for my hands. He takes them in his and brings them up to his mouth and kisses them softly.

"Please," he mumbles against my skin. "Please," he begs. I feel my pulse slamming in my ears. I don't want to know. I want to forget this ever happened but I need to know. I pull my hands out of his and bring them up to his face and pull him up to look at me.

"When?" I ask him. He looks at me and lets out a sigh. I close my eyes and prepare for the answer that I'm not quite sure I'm ready to hear.

I don't know what my plan is. What if he slept with her while we were together? What am I going to do? Obviously, infidelity is a deal breaker for me. From the very beginning, that night in the hot tub while they were filming In The Soop, when we all decided to take our relationship to the next level, I told them. I made it very clear that I was not willing to share them with anyone else (as much as that made me feel like a hypocrite, because I obviously have all seven of them) and they agreed; it was just me for them. So, as much as I love him, I don't think I can be okay with knowing he went back on his word.

But what if it happened right before we made things official; like when I was dating just Yoongi and Jungkook? What happens then? He technically wasn't 'cheating' on me, and even though we knew we felt something for each other earlier on, that doesn't mean that he had any obligation to monogamy with me. So as much as it would hurt, I'd need to understand. He had a life before me and I know that he's slept with other people before me, so it's not like I can hold that against him. I just hate that it was her.

"After you got here," he says and my heart feels like it's literally breaking inside of my chest. "I didn't know. I couldn't know that something would come from us. I—Baby, I'm so, so, sorry," he tells me and then he falls on to his knees and wraps his arms around my hips, his head leaning on me. As soon as he says the words, it's like I've been slapped in the face.

What the fuck am I doing? This isn't his fault. He didn't do anything wrong. As much as this hurts me, there's no way he could have known; he couldn't have known that he and I would be here. I can't help that I feel anger and jealousy at the thought of him sharing such an intimate moment with her, there was no way that I could ever hold it against him. I let my fingers tangle in his hair as his arms are wrapped around me so tightly that it's hard to breathe. He doesn't deserve to feel this way; to feel guilt for something he did when we weren't even together. It may hurt me that it was her, but he doesn't deserve to torture himself for it.