Body Language. [Discontinued]

CH. 41

"What do you mean?"

"When you said that it seems like we forgot about Xahir and that life has gotten easier—truth is, it hasn't, Soleil," Siraj let out a heavy sigh, running his hand over his waves. "Every day that I look at you, I'm reminded of him. The li'l things that you do and say reminds me of him. I've been tryin' to hold it together for you, cause I feel like you need me to at least have it together while you're tryin' to get your mind back right,"

"It's no use if both of us are a mess, that's a recipe for disaster. But I think, seeing you that way and hearing you say that, it just really fucked wit' me,"

"Siraj, you need help," Soleil told him flat out with a nonchalant shrug. "Seeing you like that last night, really scared me. I wanted to be angry wit' you, but I had to remember that you're grieving. However, what you pulled last night was inexcusable and you know way better than that, Siraj—sober or intoxicated,"

"If what I said rubbed you the wrong way, then you should have said something. What is the point of preaching we need to communicate if you can't even voice when I've done or said something that made you uncomfortable? I'm not going to sit here and lecture you because you're a grown-ass man, but what I won't do is accept or tolerate is you being reckless in the midst of your grieving," Soleil continued to preach to him as he held eye contact with her, intently listening to her.

"You do not have to be strong for me, Siraj. I'm getting the help that I need, I'm far from where I want to be mentally and I'm not even remotely done wit' the grieving process but we're slowly getting there. Now, it's your turn, it's time for you to get the help that you need."

Siraj took a deep breath, as he ran his hands down his face. Soleil got up and stood in front of him, wrapping her arms around him. "We're supposed to be going through together, Siraj. You're not alone, you have me," She told him, rubbing his back in a comforting gesture.

"You're right," Siraj agreed with her, as she pulled away. "I'm so use to holding shit in, I'm used to people not even asking me how I'm feeling or checking on me for real. Only people that I ever really talk to about shit when I'm feelin' a li'l down was Xahir or Blue."

"Well, I'm here now, love. Like you told me the other night, you can tell me what's wrong, even if you think I may not understand," She placed her hands on his shoulder as the other gently grabbed his chin. "It doesn't have to be today, it doesn't have to be tomorrow, but you have to talk about it, Siraj,"

"And what if I want to talk about it today?"

"Then we can do that,"

"Okay," Siraj grabbed her hands and stood up from the bed. He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. "Be safe today, a'ight?"

"I will," she mumbled, watching him walk around her to head toward the bathroom.

❦❦❦

"And we will praise him for the rest of our day," Soleil lowly sang along to the music, spraying the mirror with Windex and beginning to wipe it clean.

After Soleil returned home, she decided to take the time out and clean the house while her friends were out and about. They wanted to spend time with their friend, knowing that it was going to be a rough day for Soleil.

However, Soleil advised them that she wanted to be alone for a while and would later on be with her family. She appreciated them for wanting to be there for her, but deep down they just wouldn't understand what she was feeling even if she tried to explain.