With A New You

𝘊𝘏𝘈𝘗𝘛𝘌𝘙 𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘛𝘠-𝘍𝘐𝘝𝘌

𝚂𝚄𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙰'𝚂 𝙿𝙾𝚅

        I have fallen in love with a boy very different from me. I wonder what my alcoholic, drug addicted parents would say if they saw how I turned out. They'd probably look at me with disgust, saying that they knew I'd become a piece of shit. They'd look for any flaw of Megumi's and throw it at our faces. My Blessing is a beautifully flawed mess. He's so intelligent but so naive at the worst of times. He doesn't see that his friend looks at him with those romantic, sexual feelings and he doesn't see that the skater prick would jump between his legs without hesitation. 

      When he skates, I fall in love all over again. I'm reminded of when I first saw him on campus and continued to pursue him till he became mine. I remember the softness of his lips on mine the first time, the glimmer of wonder in his emerald green eyes that I love. When he sleeps in my arms, I am reminded of all the horrible thoughts I've had about him. Of all the times I've thought about hurting him, the times I did, and the twisted comments that have popped into my head. The amount of times I doubted his loyalty to me and thought of the hooker who works in the alleyway near where I fight. How she is flirtatious and cheats on her girlfriend that I didn't even know she had till I saw her pretending to be someone else. Or maybe the hooker is her pretending to be someone else. Either way, I thought of Megumi doing the same. Telling me he loves me, spreading his legs for me, holding me and seeing me vulnerable only to stab me in the back and let another person do things I thought only I had done to him. 

    I've seen people cheat and lie constantly. People I've met and strangers, lying, cheating, and pretending to care when really they couldn't give a shit. I'm no better. I thought about doing the same to him. Hurting him, using him, ruining his life, and throwing him away when I grew bored. 

        I hurt him. I'm probably ruining his life. The difference is I don't want to go, I want to stay. I want to hear his voice, touch him, do things with him, and be there for him. I want to be a person he can rely on, Uraume tells me time and time again I have to prove that I can be someone worth relying on. 

        I'm the boyfriend that hits his boyfriend, that forced himself on him, and that says horrible things that make him cry. I'm the boyfriend that starts fights with his friends, the kind of guy that even hit his friend. I'm the boyfriend that doubts him and screams at him, the kind that wants to monopolize him and control him. I'm a person that gets thrill from beating up assholes in the underground ring, that breaks the law without care and doesn't give a shit about other people.

      I'm the boyfriend that will kiss his pain away, that will defend him and fight anyone he wants me to. I will cook and clean for him, I will worship his body and be there when he's feeling sick. I'll take him away when he needs it and give him memories that he will smile fondly back at. I'm the boyfriend that will do things I wouldn't normally just because it would make him happy, the kind that worries if he eats, gets enough water, and gets enough sleep.

       I get jealous and really angry.

       I get lonely and think about him constantly.

      "Sukuna, what are you thinking so deeply about?" Megumi cups my face, bringing me back to reality. He smells like coffee. He's beautiful. I love him. I want to make love to him. I wrap my arms around his small waist, pulling him closer. Megumi relaxes into my touch, a gentle expression on his face. 

       "I wanted to see you."

       "What?" Megumi giggles and it's music to my ears. "You can see me whenever, you weirdo." He smiles and I want to keep it to myself. Megumi's glowing again, there's something different about him. Something about him has changed, I feel it. It's instinctual. "Okay, Sukuna, you're weirding me out. Why are you looking at me like that? Did you miss me?"

       "Did you eat something or just get a drink?" I question, nuzzling my face into his neck. He shivers from the sensation. 

      "Just a drink. Did you want something?" He questions and I shake my head side to side.

      "Lets get you something to eat, I don't want you to starve."

~𝕾𝖈𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊~

          Megumi and I hold hands, leisurely making our way back to the hotel. He didn't eat a lot but I noticed he got a savoury meal with a small dessert. I didn't know Megumi liked to eat desserts. Megumi shivers, feeling the cold more than usual. I stop walking, taking off my jacket and putting it on Megumi. "Let's get back."

       "You're going to give me whiplash if you keep going between cruel and loving." Megumi teases lightly, holding onto my hand again. 

        "I don't think you're a slut."
 
        "Uh, thanks?"
 
        "I'm serious, I shouldn't have said that." I sigh, knowing that isn't exactly an apology or a promise to not say it again. "When I get pissed, I say things I don't mean so don't think that's what I really feel."

       "I understand. Let's not talk about it, let's just enjoy our walk. Okay?" He smiles up at me and I feel guilty all over again for hurting the only person in my world. I think I'm going to continue to feel guilt for everything I've done but I hope I can make up for it in some way.