Am I really that useless? (KagaKuro)

Am I really that useless?

The atmosphere in the locker rooms is very pressuring. The air is filled with disappointed sighs. Not even one of my teammates says anything. They concentrate just on themselves, pulling on their clean clothes after another tiring game.

I can see some drops of water on everyone's skin. Some of them are still covered in sweat, and the rest of them has already washed the salty liquid off their skin. Drops sparkling on them are water that they haven't dried yet.

I can't do anything than just sit on a wooden bench, silently. I keep my gaze in the floor, avoiding meeting anyone's eyes.

I am afraid.

We have lost our game once again. If we continue like this, we won't have any

actual games anymore in this season.

And it is my fault. I know it. I haven't been able to play well enough recently. Counting on my own power and abilities has been impossible.

After our game against the team of my former light - Aomine Daiki, Too academy - everything has seemed gray to me. Every each shade around me has turned to gray. And seeing just gray can't make you happy or motivated.

Nothing feels anything. Anything positive.

I have no motivation to study or even play basketball. Day by day, everything loses the last sparkles of interest in my eyes. Day by day, I feel more empty.

I feel useless.

Even if I try my best, I can't help my team - or my partner - to win. We lose again and again.

I'm afraid that everyone around me will stop counting on me completely - like I have already done. I'm afraid that slowly everyone will stop noticing me completely and I will literally become nothing.

"...Let's do better next time" Hyuga breaks the silence with his monotonic voice as he cleans his glasses with his shirt. He is also somehow staying away from everyone in the mental level. He doesn't want to let anyone close to him right now - he also feels broken inside. I can say it just by hearing those few words that were meant to cheer everyone up.

He failed. Everyone keeps quiet. Even Izuki doesn't try to brighten up other's minds with his stupid puns. Even he keeps his mouth completely shut.

Even Kagami is silent.

I try to look calm on the outside, probably succeeding at it, while inside me is actually going on an awful storm - my depressed thoughts make me feel worse second by second. After a while, I feel nauseous. My heart is racing in my chest and I really don't feel comfortable sitting there under everyone's eyes. Swallowing my own saliva is hard. It's like someone is strangling me with his slender, invisible eyes.

"...Kuroko!" Teppei calls my name and I finally am able to wake up from my thoughts. The tone in his voice tells me that he has already been asking for my attention for a while, has been calling my name a few times without getting an answer. I raise my emotionless, calm gaze to the long man's face. This isn't the first time I'm holding all my feelings in. I'm used to it.