"Lost in Love"

Chapter 36: Whalen 52

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Jimin didn't look at me but I knew he felt me in the room with him. As he put his hands over his face to cry, I ran up behind him. His anxieties started recently happening again so I placed myself close to him in case he fell unconscious. We had argued about his meds intake because I felt that they were probably too strong for him but Jimin insisted on continuing with it and not going back to the doctors. Sigh... I wanted this: his change and I know I should prepare myself for the worst but was I really ready.

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I came up behind him and put him into my arms. Jimin didn't touch me but he allowed me to keep him in my embrace. I let this moment fill me. We hadn't make love since the hospital. Every time I tried to start, Jimin would end it with an excuse of being tired, unwell or saying he just wanted to us to hug and he would eventually fall asleep. I haven't been able to touch him the way that I wanted to in so long and I was worried. This isn't the strongminded and passionate Jimin that I knew and loved. It's like everything that happened between us was taking a toll on him and to add his body changes to it... maybe it was too much.

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"Jiminshi... Baby look at me," and I lifted his chin up so he could see me. His eyes were such a golden brown and with the water flowing from them, I could see the flecks of blue shining. I asked sweetly as I could, "What's the matter, my love?"

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But Jimin rushed out at me, "Stop asking me that... Can't you see what's been happening to me?"

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"Jimin... Of course I can see."

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"I look horrendous. Just look at all this flab and fat."

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"I don't see any flab or fat." Which was true because even though he began to fill out into his new shape, his body was still slim and beautiful. I probably needed to remind him more of that. If only he'd let me touch him and make love to his very much perfect body.

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Jimin just laughed at my comment, "Ha! Well you must be blind or something. I look like a whale..."

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"I love whales... They're beautiful creatures who mate for life and take wonderful care of their young. And if you're a whale then so am I."

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Jimin continued to sarcastically laugh at me. I could take that but then he retorted my comment, "HA! Maybe you need to watch more National Geographic. Whales do not mate for life. They can have many partners..."

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I smiled and hugged him tighter, "Well, Whalen Jungkook who was the loneliest whale in the world searched far and wide. He was looking for the one who would be his love. And even though many other whales approached him, he felt nothing for them. Then he became the luckiest bastard in the world when Whalen Jimin swam up to him. From the moment they saw and heard each other, they knew that they were mated for life. Forever and ever. Amen!" At least my whale story got a genuine smile from Jimin. His face got all red and then he confessed,

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"I'm scared, Kookie. All these things are happening and I'm feeling like a million things all at once but I don't know which one I'm supposed to really feel. I have so many things to do: the documentary needs to be put together. There's so much still to do with it and I'm nowhere near my deadlines. I need to talk with Tae. I miss him and I know that he's going through a lot. Then there's all the shit with Travis that needs to wrap up and your mom being sick really pains me. You're going through so much too with your job and family and I feel hopeless. Like I'm not doing anything to help you because I'm worried about putting on a few pounds. I'm so selfish..."