The Dragon's Girl | Taiju Shiba | Tokyo Revengers

Chapter 20

After Two Weeks, Thanksgiving Holiday:

Minutes, like small never ending infinities, kept piling up on top of each other to become hours. And those hours, were stacking together to form empty days, that kept beginning and ending agonizingly slow around me. Yet, when I pushed myself to be present in where I was and what I was doing, I felt like those days flew way too fast. As empty and slow as they felt, they passed quickly. And it was never really clear in my head, was the time itself passing quickly around me, or was I going through it with no sensibility nor care of what my days would carry and feel without him!

Despite it was my decision, and for my own safety and whatever had left of my self worth to not see him again, I missed him greatly. I missed him so much to the point my nights became something dreadful to me. After them being the most sacred time of day, because it was where I'd see him, or talk to him, and visit our own secret world whenever daylight vanished and dark skies took over.

But now, they became my tormenting hell. Because my mind would stay up for hours, replaying words and moments with him, however small and short they were, then leave my heart wrenching for hours in a state of subversive loss. Making me question if it was the right thing to do, and wonder why it all happened in the first place. What was the point? I would think, what was the point of it all to start just to end? And then I'd rebut that question with an evident answer. Because this was how it was supposed to be. From the first day, until now, I should've known better this was how it was supposed to be with him. It was going to end. And somewhere deep down in me, I always knew I was the one who was going to end it eventually. What I don't know is, why did I keep it going this far! Why did I let myself slip too deep into his hold for that long?

And, for that question, I knew I had an answer as well. I just didn't want to think it out loud. Or make it into something real. Because I knew once I admit that answer, that one feeling, it would be like announcing my shameful defeat against him. My white flag would be waving in the wind across our battlefield and I could already see in my head the smirk he'd have on his lips when he realizes that he had finally got me. That he had finally wrapped his hands completely around my heart for him to have and control. And the only way for me to get freed from that hold would be for his hands to break me. So instead, I decided to break me instead. To be the one who break my own heart and get away from him before it's too late...

"Heyy." Yuzuha's breathless voice came startling me. I wiped at my nose and turned to look at her.

"Hey" I said.

She sat herself down next to me on the school's second floor stairs, a half eaten sandwich in her hand and a chocolate bar. I turned back to look out of the window. It was pouring heavily outside and I was hoping to get a small moment alone before my next class. But that hope ran down the drains along with the rain now.

"You know, I'm only acting dumb and ignorant here for your sake." She said as her hands started unwrapping the sandwich without looking at me. "And because I know you, I'm just waiting for when you'll be ready to talk about whatever has gotten into you lately."

I sniffled back to clear my nose as my lips lifted in a small smile. "Nothing is going on." I said then my hand took the chocolate bar she offered to me. "It's just the exhaustion of exams."

"Oh, bullshit..." her 'bullshit' sounded funny because her mouth was full, then she swallowed. "I have exams, same as you, you don't see me moping around and skipping meals!"

I took a deep breath. "Trust me, if there's something going on, you'd be the first one to know." I said then scooted closer to rest my head over her shoulder, closing my eyes and focusing on the sound of the trickling rain against the window. "I'm just tired..."