Chapter 11

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There was a reason why I've always kept it to myself, or maybe one of the reasons why I never liked getting to know people or let them get close to me, to my life, or have access to my feelings. Because people don't just show up in your life alone, no, they drag their immense bag of troubles with them. Their spiraled dramas, their noisy lives and its messiness. Then what do they do with it? They load it all on you. And I'm not saying this because I'm insensitive or ungrateful for having a friend or two in my life. I need my friends, I love my friends. But I'm saying it because I hate being dragged into those spirals with them. I have my own spiraling life to deal with, I can't bear the weight of another person's life!

Because once you actually get sucked and mixed with their spiral, with every spin, you start feeling a piece of you, or a layer, gets pulled and torn away. Like a house spinning inside of a tornado, slowly losing its parts and its layers. And after each round as you get further and further down into its core, you'll realize you have nothing left, and you can't even be there for them anymore. You'll become just as empty and just as torn as they are. And just when you think you won, that you gained a good person in your life, in reality, you only end up losing constantly. As if it's the price you have to pay for having such a good person with you.

I know it probably doesn't make sense, but that was how I felt the second I opened my eyes in Yuzuha's room. Empty, tired and just got thrown out of a spiral. Landing hard on the ground again, senseless.

The soft rays of sunlight were creeping thinly through the little line between Yuzuha's bedroom curtains. And it felt warm around me, or my body was warm, as I started gaining my senses back in my whole body. I felt two things. One, was the warm, strong grip that was holding my right hand, and two, was the grievous pain throbbing at the back of my head. To the point even the soft pillow was hurting me. And my whole mouth felt too dry in the back of my throat, like my body was going through what I could only describe as a drought inside of me.

"Emi, oh my god!" I heard a soft cry near me then felt a squeeze around my right hand, making my eyes dart in the direction of them. Yuzuha was sitting on the floor next to her bed, where I was laying, and she was on her knees, holding my hand and kneeling like she'd been praying. I stayed quiet looking at her.

"I'm so, so sorry, Emi." She choked, her tears started falling down her chin and then I noticed the small with brownish scab cut in the corner of her mouth. My body grew warmer at that sight. And I wanted to say something but my body failed me again.

Yuzuha rubbed her tears away quickly and scooted closer, her hand came to brush carefully at my hair. "How are you feeling?" She said. The dark circles under her puffy eyes told me she had been awake for too long, crying. I managed to nod my head a little. But I wanted to tell her she didn't do anything to me, why was she apologizing!

"I'm sorry.." She said it again, and this time I shook my head. My mouth opened but my voice wasn't there yet. So I closed it and closed my eyes with it.

I heard her sniffling. "We called someone to check on you." She said, "I'm sorry we couldn't call an ambulance here, you know how risky it is, both of my brothers are already wanted by the police."

After she said this, disturbed and shaky images started flashing in my head. The yelling, the ruthless words I heard, the blood, Yuzuha crying by the stairs, Hakkai's bloody face. Then finally, his eyes. How they were dark and empty, staring down at me as his hand was gripping me by the throat. That familiar noose I willingly let wrap itself around me... How I felt in those seconds...

I heard another choke happening, I thought Yuzuha was crying again. But then I felt the hot tears seeping down my cheeks and my throat closing on itself, dry and sandy, fighting for breath as sobs started erupting uncontrollably from my chest. I was crying.

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