✅ A Dose of Humiliation

50. Personal Questions

"Okay then. While you're getting so excited talking about me sleeping naked... what do you normally wear for bed? At home, I mean, when you don't have an overbearing friend's mother looking for any excuse to punish you."

"Pretty much the same," I said with a shrug. "Pyjamas, something light so I don't end up sweating all night. In summer, maybe just my underwear and a light tee. Depends how hot it gets."

"Oh, but that's not a full answer," Elspeth fired back with a grin. "The same underwear as during the day?" That question seemed to raise some eyebrows in the rest of the group, and then all eyes were back on Elspeth. She had to explain: "Look, I'll not change for bed. Just take my jeans and any extra layers off usually. But I know someone who changes her underwear before bed, and then wears it through the next day. Or changes again in the morning if she needs a shower. Seems weird to me, but she thinks sleeping in the undies you've had on all day is gross. And some of the catalogues have underwear just for bed, which just sounds like an excuse for more laundry to me. I wondered which side you're on."

"Oh..." I mumbled. I knew who she was talking about from a summer camp many years before. It had never made sense to me, but I wasn't about to judge someone else's daily routine. "Usually what I had on for the day, change in the morning. I wouldn't... I mean... my routine's changed a little lately, but that's not something to talk about when we're having fun." I thought that it would probably have been easier not to mention it; but that felt somehow dishonest. Even if I didn't plan to tell them that I was wearing diapers for bed now, I had to let everyone know that a full answer would have transgressed the rules we'd agreed on earlier.

"It's not the one that makes you sweat like a horse and then you start getting the urge to strip, is it?" Jodie asked, and my eyes widened. I hadn't even known that was an option, and I couldn't imagine many parents would be happy giving that to their badly-behaved kids.

"Not quite. Although anti-Lorna would be happy with that. Like, it would make it even harder to keep her under wraps if I had that kind of justification to wear less. I can't wait to get back to normal, though." I thought that was a pretty diplomatic answer, avoiding being drawn into any more questions that I wasn't ready to answer. But I didn't want to risk my naughty side taking over in some way if we spent any more minutes talking about things she might be inclined to do. I turned to Serena, saw her mouth closing at the end of a long, slow yawn as her eyelids drifted closed, and then quickly changed my mind and focused on Nikki: "Anyway, Se... Nikki! Truth or dare?"

"Truth," she said with a smile. "I'm an open book, babe."

"Well, I could ask..." I started, and then something even better came to mind. I crumpled up the empty can in my hand while trying to think of the perfect way to word it, and tossed it towards the overflowing trash can in the corner. "A lot of these questions might have been things we always wondered about each other. Things that everyone always wondered, but it didn't seem appropriate to ask. And I think some people have been using questions to see if anyone else here shares their interests... or their kinks, maybe. So my question now is: which of the things you've asked the rest of us tonight are things that might have turned you on if it got the right answer? Or things that you would just love if someone else asked you the same?"

Nikki was exactly the right person to pose that question to. And with her boyfriend no longer present, his absence emphasised, maybe she felt freer to answer honestly than she would have done if he hadn't come at all. She confessed that the majority of questions so far had been things where the right answer might have some special appeal for her; and her dares had been things that she would have loved to demand of a consenting partner. She didn't mean to admit that she'd had a crush on Marcie since middle school, but her mouth apparently ran away with her after a long monologue, and her eyes were wide as she realised what she just said. Would Elspeth be mad? It would have been a real possibility, but a quick glance revealed that Ellie's head was on her girlfriend's pillow, and their chests were rising and falling almost in sync with each other. Another one lost to the phantom of tiredness that had apparently conquered the party. It was hard to believe that it was barely after nine o'clock.

"Lucky escape there," Jodie smirked. "Never figured you'd be into girls."

"Isn't everyone?" Nikki gave a half shrug. "I mean, I always thought... Wait, it's my turn. Jodie! Truth or dare?"

"I guess you got something you want to ask me, right? And we'll just be going round and round now there's only three of us left. Or we can ask whoever we want now. Truth."

"Well, have you..." Nikki paused for a huge yawn, and then shook her head in an effort to clear it before turning back to Jodie. "Have you ever had like... erotic thoughts about one of your friends? A girl, I mean. Even if you're... Ugh, why am I so tired. Even if you're straight, you have to have imagined it with a girl once, right? Imagined if you were studying late and got carried away or something. Tell us one of those fantasies."

"Well I... I guess maybe once or twice. It's just normal, right? When you're... younger. You know your friends better than the boys, it's easier to imagine. There was one time in science class. Couple of years ago now, I don't remember exactly. But Mr Mikklewight was going over the characteristics of life again, stuff we'd all done before. A half hour of just that monotone, droning on and on about things we all knew. I didn't think anyone was listening. Mercy Chandler was playing video games, had her 4ds under the desk I think. Some people on their phones, Mikklewight never noticed, did he?"

I nodded. Having been taught by the man a couple of times since the start of high school, I could imagine the scene exactly. Nikki mumbled her agreement as well, but I could see that now she was struggling to keep her eyes open. If she took much longer to get to the point, Jodie might be sharing her embarrassing story just with me.

"Well, like... then I looked over at... Elspeth. She was smiling. I wondered if she was playing games as well. But her eyes were like focused in the middle distance. Empty space between her and the teacher's podium. And then I looked at her leg, swinging from side to side under the desk. Almost a rhythm, but a little bit irregular. She didn't have her shoes on, I don't know why. Maybe just a comfort thing. But this idea started forming in my mind. I wondered if she might be... I imagined that she could be trying to masturbate in class, putting on a poker face as best she could, so the rest of us might not notice. I was sure Mikklewight would have been completely oblivious. But I watched her, breathing getting just a little bit heavier. I was just guessing, but in my mind it was so clear, you know. And I started wondering if she could... like..." She blushed furiously, only looking down at her own hands. She didn't even see that the girl who'd asked this question of her was already fast asleep. "I imagined challenging her after class. Telling her that I'd keep her secret so long as she taught me. Because I hadn't ever... I knew that you could like... touch yourself... but I'd never done it, I didn't know where or how, maybe I was a late bloomer, and I imagined that she'd teach me, and we could..."

"It's okay," I interrupted. "You don't need to stress about recounting those stories. And... well, Nikki couldn't stay awake long enough, so it's her fault if she didn't get an answer."

"Thanks," Jodie mumbled. "I can't believe I said all that. Can I blame it on the booze?"

"You were right," I said with a shrug. "Ellie had her own experiences growing up. I heard a while ago that she was in denial, trying to imagine fantasising about boys. Even tried imagining the teachers, sometimes, to prove to herself that her sexuality is real, and not just something she felt obligated to act out because her parents presented liberalism and variety like a virtue. So in class... it's not the only time someone noticed her."

"I never even realised. I mean... I never wondered what was on her mind. Wow... is there only two of us awake now? I didn't think we'd–" She was interrupted by a huge yawn, and when that ended she pointed accusingly to her left as she spoke again: "Oh, the evil bitch. Why would she–" the next yawn ended not with words, but with her head rolling to one side, and her eyes sinking closed.

And then there was one.