save me a spark - stray kids

8: cocaine

"i have seven dollars."
"you really think that's enough, bro?"
chan sighed as he looked down at the money in his hands.
"enough for three hits?"
"you got me all kinds of fucked up." hyunjin laughed, walking away.
"i can't believe i have to buy weed from my own room mate." chan sighed.
"oh yeah? you wanna go buy weed from yedam?"
"no."
"didn't think so."
the two laughed as they sat in the kitchen, changbin soon walking in.
"have any of you seen jisung?" he asked.
"uhm. no not since he came home last night." hyunjin said.
"he left early this morning, i was up. he said he had some business thing to take care of." chan said.
"he's 19 what business-...?"
the two just shrugged as changbin called jisung again.
"heyo this is jisung, leave a message."
changbin sighed and hung up the phone.
"maybe he's out, meeting with friends." hyunjin said.
"he got a phone call from his dad yesterday causing him to have a panic attack. are you serious?"
"sorry, i'm just being positive."
the three suddenly heard a car pull up, walking outside to see who it was.
"is that..."
"bm?"
jisung slowly got out of the car, eyes fixed on his feet as he thanked  bm and walked away.
"thanks for the favor, sungie." bm said as he drove away.
"favor? what favor??" changbin asked.
"nothing, don't worry about it." jisung said quietly.
"no, fucking look at me when i talk to you."
changbin pushed jisungs head to make him look straight up.
he examined the younger for a moment.
purple marks littered his neck and chest.
"what the.. where the fuck did you get these?!" changbin shouted.
"f-from you.."
"no. they aren't from me. don't fucking lie to be jisung. you know damn well i wouldnt fuck you after a rough day unless you practically begged for it. now tell me who the fuck gave you these hickeys!"
jisung flinched, closing his eyes.
"bm.."
"what the fuck do you mean?? you're supposed to tell me if you wanna go fuck other people."
"should we step in?" chan asked quietly.
"no, they'll settle this, they always do." hyunjin replied.
"i had no choice.."
"you did have a choice! you could've fucking told me!"
"no, cause if i told you, you would've fucking said no!" jisung yelled.
"it's not like you made a fucking sex tape-"
"but i did! i did make a sex tape with him! happy?!" jisung pushed past changbin, walking towards the house.
"what the fuck?! what the fuck is wrong with you?!" changbin yelled, turning the younger around.
"none of us had the fucking money to bail out hyunjin! it was either let him rot in jail or get evicted, i had to do what was best for everyone! you have a roof over your fucking head still because of me! be fucking thankful!" jisung yelled.
"thankful?? thankful?! you want me to be thankful that you went and fucked bm like a fucking slut?! letting him record the whole thing to show his friends 'hey guys i fuck borderline minors!'"
"i'm nineteen!"
"i don't give a fuck!!"
the two stayed quiet for a moment before jisung spoke up.
"you're fucking welcome. otherwise you'd be back on the fucking streets." jisung said.
"find somewhere else to sleep tonight, slut. maybe try bm's bed. i'm out."
jisung froze as changbin walked away.
chan and hyunjin watched in shock.
the two watched as jisung pushed past them, walking inside and to his room.
"would you be mad if jeongin did that?" hyunjin asked.
"i mean, yeah. but only because he's freshly 18, and we don't have the same boundaries as those two. what about you?"
"well, yes but no. if it was to get one of us out of jail, i wouldn't be as mad but i'd rather he told me than keep it a secret. i wouldn't be upset if he decided on it with my opinion."
chan sighed and sat on the couch.
"so they're both in the wrong?"
hyunjin nodded.
"jisung should've talked about this with changbin and changbin should've never slut shamed jisung. him slut shaming jisung, really just slut shames all of us, plus himself." hyunjin explained.
"there's a party tonight at seungcheol. wanna come?" chan asked.
"yeah, i'll invite the guys. jisung might stay home though."

soon everyone was gathered at seungcheol's party, aside from jisung who decided to sleep his life away at home.
"welcome, boys!" seungcheol shouted, handing them all beer.
"where's the coke?" minho asked.
"hoshi has the coke, jeonghan has the acid and junhui has the shrooms, go nuts."
quickly, they all disbanded from each other.
drinks going left and right, drugs being smoked, swallowed and snorted.
there was always drugs at every party.
but, never anything extreme.
the most extreme drug they had was cocaine.
no meth, no heroine.
just coke.
so that's what minho did.
one line became two, two became four, and four became a blur.
he lost count after four, but if he was being honest, he wasn't counting in the first place.
the feeling of the drug going up his nose and into his body was euphoric.
nothing ever felt so amazing in his life.
other than spending time with seungmin.
seungmin and minho were the only two who didn't have sex with anyone else outside of the group.
even then, they barley did that.
they were faithful to each other and they loved each other a lot.
"come on, minho, one more!" hoshi shouted.
so he did.
and then he did a few more.
he continued this until he couldn't feel his limbs.
he quickly got up and walked towards the drinks.
well, i wouldn't classify running into everyone and stumbling as walking, but everyone's different.
suddenly, his vision doubled.
he tried grabbing a drink, but he couldn't tell which one to grab.
then his body went cold, he got sweaty and he swayed more.
before he knew it he was in the ground, light slowly fading to black.
he could barely make out the quiet calls of his name from god knows how many voices.
"minho! please! someone call 911!!"
wait.
he knew that voice.
that's his favorite voice.
seungmin.
fuck.

seungmin quickly grabbed minho and dragged him to the bathroom before turning on the cold shower, making sure it sprayed minho in the face.
nothing seemed to be working.
chan quickly got his phone out and dialed 911, reassuring the puppy boy that everything would be okay.
but, he had no way of believing that, because the one person he loved more than anything on the planet was overdosing in his arms.
everything happened so quickly, like a fast forward blur.
one moment he was sobbing with the older in his arms, the next he was gone.
being taken way by several men.
seungmin chased them outside as he sobbed.
he couldn't lose him.
not now.
not ever.
he wasn't going to let that happen.
which is why he silently begged for minho to stop using.
but it didn't work, because minho can't read minds.
he sure wished he could, but he couldn't.
if minho could read minds, he'd probably tell everyone anything they wanted to hear.
he'd be able to read seungmins mind and figure out why he woke up for a split second to the younger sobbing.
snot dripping from his nose, eyes drowning in tears, spit foaming up at the corners of his mouth from yelling so hard.

"please, please don't go..."