Cigarette Daydreams

Chapter 8

We got to the park, walking. Levi had managed to convince me to walk instead of going in car. I guess he was feeling outdoorsy today.

The park was small, there was maybe two other people there, two moms with their children. I hadn't been to this park before, but then again, I didn't get out much either. There was trees everywhere, you could barely see the park. Inside the dense forest, there was slides and swings and a merry go round. It didn't look to old but that was probably because of the lack of use.

"C'mon! I love this place!" Levi left my side and ran toward the swings. I didn't feel too much like running but I followed him anyway. I sat down on the swing, grabbing ahold of the twisted chains and kicking off the ground. My swing started swinging back and forth and I kept it going, higher and higher. Levi and I were basically at the same spot, our swings would come up and down at the same time. I knew that the swing was bolted down into the ground but every time that I got on swings, I would get too high for comfort. After I was pretty high up, I stopped swinging my legs and just let myself move back and forth, slowly stopping. Levi continued to go higher, I watched him kick his feet on the ground, throwing sand up into the air.

After a while, we were both still in our sits, rocking back and forth a tiny bit. I had swung leg to the other side of the swing and was facing Levi, he was facing me.

"Are you okay?" I asked. It wasn't because he looked bad, he looked great, happy. It was because he hadn't said anything. You can't just decide that you're going to quit smoking and then never try it again. There has to be problems, complications, there has to be.

"I didn't mean to ruin your day or anything it's just you haven't said anything and i'm worried." I kicked my feet against the sand, making a small pile in front of my sneaker. Levi wasn't answering, so everything was really silent. The moms had left with their kids and all that could be heard was the rustling of leaves and the creaking of the swings.

"I'm okay. I think I am. It's not taking as much of a tole on me as I thought. I'm just glad that I decided to stop before it did something major to my life. I've been going to a therapist."

"Really?" My eyes widened, not in shock but disappointed in myself for not thinking of that first.

"Is that weird?" Levi looked down, rocking his swing harder, side to side.

"No, of course not, it's great. I just didn't know. Is it helping?" I'm so horribly awkward with him sometimes for no reason and I hate myself for it. I know it makes him feel uncomfortable and it makes him feel bad but sometimes it just happens.

"Yeah sort of. I mean, he's giving me tips on how to stop, like chewing gum." Levi turned his head up, his blue eyes piercing my own.

"That's great. Is the gum thing working?" I kept eye contact with him, not wanting to lose his gaze. But I turned away anyway, a strong gust of wind swept up around us and threw a bit of sand into my eyes.

"I think so. But it's a bit hard because everywhere I go, people are smoking. Like I went to class earlier today and there was a guy and a girl smoking outside of the building. And before I got up to your apartment, there was a guy smoking in the hallway." I continued rubbing at my eyes while Levi talked.

"You're doing great though. You haven't smoked have you?" I looked at him, my eyes not burning any more. I was worried that he was going to nod his head, but instead he shook it instantly.

"No, no, of course not. I'm trying to quit, i'm really trying." He assured me.

"That's great. Okay, i'll stop being depressing. Why did you want to come to the park? You would usually prefer staying inside." I swear sometimes, I talk really weird. My words they sometimes seem rehearsed. It sucks.