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Chapter 37: In Every Sense

Chapter 37: In Every Sense

Holding hands, we find ourselves sitting beside each other on the edge of the cliff.

As always, whenever we come to Neptune, silence engulfs the surroundings. It's peaceful and brings both of us clarity. The vibe is serene; I've yet to find another place like this.

"I still love this place," I tell Jay, staring down at the dark water below us. "I love it even more after you proposed to me here."

He smiles at the memory. "That was easily the best decision I ever made."

Saying yes was easily the best decision that I ever made, other than forcing him to be my friend.

"It's just a pity you took so long," I tease, nudging him with my shoulder.

"I always knew it would be you for me," he reveals, certain of himself. "No one else ever held my interest. I think I was afraid back then. I was scared by how much I felt for you."

"When did you know?" I ask him. I've never asked before so I might as well now.

"When did I know that I loved you?" he questions, seeking clarity.

"Yeah," I confirm. "I'm curious."

"You first," he orders.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this before, but I knew when you were in that horrible crash because of Xave. I thought you were dead and my heart kind of stopped. It's still the most terrifying experience I've ever had..." I trail off, "other than thinking you were dead when the plane went down...oh, and the terrorist attack."

He furrows his eyebrows, something only occurring to him now. "I've nearly died a few times now, huh?"

"You were also shot," I remind him plainly.

And nearly beaten to death by a gang.

"Jeez," he whistles under his breath. "I need to be more careful. No wonder you're so paranoid over me."

"I have every right to be. You don't get to leave me early."

He looks down at me and chuckles lightly. "I can't predict the future but if you were as reckless as me, I'd be paranoid all the time too. For your sake, I'll try and be safer," he says sincerely.

"That's all I ask. Thank you."

"For me, it's more complex," he begins answering my question. "I think, since meeting you as a kid and then seeing you around in high school, I was always right on the verge of being in love with you without even realizing. I can't pinpoint an exact moment. There were many times where I just felt that I loved you without labeling it in my head."

"Such as?" I press.

He stifles a grin at my eagerness but obliges me anyway. "Like when I took you to racing grounds and you were worried about me, or when you walked into pole in front of me, or when I brought you here and we had a real conversation for the first time, or our first date, or when you were ready to walk away from me so I told you that you were the best thing to ever happen to me, or all the times that you defended me against Mase without even knowing me. There are so many more scenarios where I just knew but didn't want to admit it to myself."

"I want an exact moment."

He sighs heavily. "I guess it only really hit me when I lost you. Watching you get on the plane and disappear from my life, I think that's when I really knew that I was in love with you." 

"Why didn't you come after me straight away?" I hesitantly ask him.

We've been over this a thousand times, but still...