fragile | clexa

chapter sixty one

__________________________

The actual plan had been that they'd go to Clarke's family the next day, but there was far too much chaos in the tower to do that. Lexa went through the rooms that day, talked to all the women, girls, held the children's hand for injections if she happened to be there for one, hugged the elder, confused women who didn't know where they were and what had happened to their afternoon tea. The guards made lists of the people with names and clans, families if still alive and after she had checked up on all the make-shift camps in her unused tower rooms, Lexa sorted those lists out.

The next day, scouts would depart for the clans to search said families and bring them to Polis. A group of warriors was sent to retrieve the corpses, identify them if possible and then notify the families as well.

Everything was busy with so many, so sick people there, yet it was so quiet. Children didn't cry, women didn't talk if not necessary. Lexa was trying to get a connection, tried to tell them that they were okay, but they either believed she was the devil who had killed their God or that they were there to serve her.

When Lexa finally called it a day, she arrived only about twenty minutes before Clarke did. The girl was walking with her cane again, apparently coming from the healers' rooms downstairs.

"A healer?" Lexa asked to make sure, her eyes running over Clarke. The girl's hands were still bandaged but seemed more than fine, her ribs had turned out to be slightly bruised but nothing of either too much pain or too much need of care-taking. Why had she been to a healer? There was nothing obvious about her.

"Yelena. Your healers are overloaded with work, I thought I'd look what I can do. She taught me how to brew anti-fever potions and I helped where there was help needed that I could provide."

"Oh. That's really kind of you Clarke, thank you. It's all been a lot today. I'm so sorry I left you hanging. The healers have been all over the place because all of the people need first and second and third aid, finding family and friends has been hard because none of them wanted to talk-" Lexa sighed. "I knew this would take time but nothing worked today as I would've wanted it to."

"That's not true. You reached them, that's a win. Even if they don't reply, they still hear you. Their minds still react. To be honest I hated it when you didn't use me like usual owners did. I started thinking and that was even scarier. Something is going on in their minds right now and it may be bad, but it's better than nothing at all."

Slowly, Lexa nodded. "I hope you're right. I should've prioritized our plan to visit your family today but I just couldn't. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I don't care. Actually, I'm glad you took this first day and if you need to first week and month, to look after all the others. They needed it much more than I did. I can wait."

Lexa hummed. "Tomorrow?"

"If you can fit it in. Otherwise that's okay too."

Clarke's voice might have sounded calm, like it was an event to plan into a day, a chore to tick off the list, but she didn't feel like that in the least. In fact, she was glad Lexa hadn't managed to organize the visit to her family that day. She would have gladly waited another month.

Or maybe not gladly. But at least it would have felt safer.

Something had happened in those months in TonDC. Clarke couldn't pinpoint it, but it was there. She had noticed it all along, that something that had turned her into such a bad slave. Healing, selfishness, joy, love- it had changed Clarke. There hadn't been a large amount of therapy, probably against Lexa's liking, but even Berta and Lincoln and Artigas... they had done something. It was noticeable, Clarke supposed, the way she allowed herself more even if she still struggled with it a bit.