The Face Of Ballet

Someone Worth Losing

Rain pleating down against the widows woke Lilly up before anything else got the chance, groaning as she turned in James' arms laying her cheek on his warm bare chest as she yawn into his hot skin. Lilly tried to go back to sleep, she really did but unfortunately for her the rain was just too loud for her to fall back asleep and even being wrapped in James' warmth just didn't do it either.

Accepting of the fact that sleep wasn't coming back Lilly just lay awake in James' embrace until what felt like hours later he finally stirred above her. Whining when he moved his arms from around her to rub he sleep out of his eye, Lilly buried her face in the crook of his neck making small disapproving noises each time he moved.

"Well good morning to you too little miss sunshine" he just laughed as he stroked the back of her head, his long fingers running through Lilly's chocolate locks.

"Let me tell you that there's certainly no sunshine here buckaroo" she huffed as she wrapped her arms around his torso snuggling up under his arms.

"Well someone's in a foul mood today you also never call me Bucky especially not buckaroo, that's a new one even for me" he sniggered as Lilly just sat up to give him a sad look, using her expert puppy dog eyes and signature pouty lips.

"Come on don't look at me like that, what's going on sweetheart?" James cooed as she just pointed at the window in response, going to climb out of the bed to open the curtains Lilly then noticed just how naked she was. Shaking her head she smiled before hiding under the warm padded duvet, scurrying her way to the bottom of the bed away from James who sat against the headboard with his arms folded watching this bulge in the blankets move around.

"Am I missing something or are you just pretend to be a little mouse or whatever animal I'm seeing running around my bed" James questioned mockingly as he looked at where he knew Lilly was with a raised brow smirking to himself.

"What are you talking about I'm not here" she giggled although it was muffled from being underneath the duvet.

"Well I guess I'll just go and make chocolate crepes for myself with Lilly's new mixer, god I hope I don't break it" James joked as he watched Lilly pop her head out from under the blankets with a gasp.

"Chocolate crepes?" She hummed her lips breaking into a wide smile as her eyes twinkled up at James.

"Mhm white chocolate and all, might cut up some of those strawberries you bought yesterday" he stated as Lilly dramatically jumped out of bed, all thoughts of being nude gone to the wind as she raced around the bed looking for her small white satin shorts that looked more like panties and bralet that James removed from her body the night before.

Rummaging through her suitcase to find a delicate cardigan that her late grandmother once knitted her, she tied the small satin ribbon at the front of her then pulling on a pair of frilly white socks before running back to James giving him a quick kiss then leaving out the bedroom door.

"I knew that would work" he muttered to himself thinking Lilly was out of earshot as he pulled on some sweatpants from his closet. "I heard that also no way were you using my mixer, what if you break it?" She yelled back as she searched the cupboards for all the ingredients they needed.

After a lot of mixing up the batter, melting chocolate, cutting up strawberries and throwing fistfuls of flour at one and other the crepes were finally sizzling away on the heavy cast iron pan that James so effortlessly used to flip the cooking pancakes mid air. Lilly was perched up on the countertop swinging her legs happily as she dipped had almost a dozen strawberries in the melted white chocolate while James wasn't looking to try stop her, humming contently as the smooth and sweet chocolate mixed with the crunchy and slightly sour fruit slipped down her throat.

"How about if the weather gets a bit nicer we get dressed up and go out somewhere later on doll?" He puzzled as Lilly just continued to hum over his words before she just nodded enthusiastically in response.

"You ready to put your chocolate on these?" Placing a large plate of folded over crepes down beside Lilly's body, the she drizzled the thick and creamy liquid all over the desserts before pushing the cut up strawberries into the folded parts of the crepes. They both sat on the kitchen counter Lilly with her legs crossed and James' were hanging over the side as they fed each other forkfuls of sweetness.

"So how do you feel about tonight maybe being out last night here?" Lilly stopping mid bite to look over a James with a worried expression at his words. "What?" She slurred out over the mountain of food she was currently attempting to chewing.

"I was thinking we could leave either really late tonight or at some point during the day tomorrow" he announced as he gathered all the cutlery and plates they had been eating off into the sink. "That's fine and all, I'm excited don't get me wrong I just haven't packed for a trip that long and especially not to go somewhere really hot" Lilly ranted as she paced back and forth around the kitchen, James leant against the sink with an amused expression as he watched her internally stress over a minor inconvenience in his eyes.

"You worry too much, it will all be just fine we can sort that problem out in no time princess" he mussed as he just shook his head, while his hands were deep in the warm bubbly water he was running in the sink the wash all the dirty dishes.

"I'm gonna go take my pills before I forget again" Lilly beamed as she skipped along into the bathroom in search of her orange pill jar. It broke James' heart that Lilly had to take all this medication for an accident that was evidently all his doing, he knew that he would never forgive himself for what happened to Lilly that night. God he hated himself, truth be told he still does but never as much as he did when he found her sprawled out across the theatre ground, a bloody bruised mess.

In all honesty he feared for a moment that night that she had died at the hands of hydra, the woman he loved dead because of his dark, twisted and selfish past.

James' own death never frightened him.

But hers?

Oh that, is his greatest fear.

How dangerous for him,

To finally have someone worth losing.

James could lose everything,

but not her......... oh god not Lilly

He wore a mask for so long that he didn't know who he was anymore, he was terrified of this dark being that still slept within him. But it's hard to forget your past when it's written all over your body and the flashbacks hurt, memories destroy us all. Maybe he deserved all this but he deserved a better goodbye, from his supportive father George and his sweet, sweet mother Winnifred.

So much pain for someone so young,

He was just a child.........

But James can still taste the pain, he gets a mouthful everyday.

He asked himself on numerous occasions the same one thing,

The whole question here is:

Am I monster, or a victim myself?

𝓢𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝓛𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓕𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓞𝓯 𝓑𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓽

A/n: Helloooo anyone else go back to school and just want to go home all day long? 🤩🤚

Yeah me too :)

Anyways I was devastated when I found out that Seb isn't in CA4 like? What kind of sick joke is this -_-

I guess we Stan Thuderbolts still. Go Flo lotta love for my girl Yelena.

Follow my TikTok for more @buckyxxrogers05

♥ Love you all ♥