Who I need...

Part 4.

Memory:
Charles woke up startled, gasping for air. As soon as he put his feet on the floor and tried to stand up, he just couldn't, so he had to sit back on the bed. He nervously massaged his neck to see if his horrible headache would go away.

He always had the same dream. No change. Cars are speeding. Then suddenly the inscription "red flag" flashes on the monitor. Then the camera shows a red and white car half wrecked in the barrier. Charles is watching it all from the paddock, his heart skips a beat and his breathing becomes irregular. Then Charles's biggest fear comes true, the screen displays Arthur Leclerc's name. Suddenly, he seems to collapse, but luckily someone catches him so he doesn't fall to the ground. Then he manages to hold himself, but his thoughts are still fuzzy. He went to Arthur's race engineer, where he immediately asked what happened to his younger brother, but unfortunately no one could tell him anything. Arthur didn't answer, didn't move or give any signs of life, which made his brother even more suspicious.
The team leader soon approached him and said he would take him to the hospital. By then, Pierre had also reached there and hugged Charles tightly. Of course, Pierre is driving to the hospital. Charles was in no condition to do anything. As soon as they got in, they immediately asked about Arthur. They didn't say anything about him then. They sat down in the waiting room and waited, soon their mother and their brother, Lorenzo, arrived. After 2 hours of waiting, a disappointed doctor walked out the door. He said what Charles least wanted to hear: "Unfortunately, we couldn't save him".
Everyone froze. Charles' eyes turned glassy when he blinked next, but what Charles couldn't have imagined happened. He didn't know if he was imagining it or not. Charles spotted Arthur Leclerc just outside the operating room door. He didn't dare to blink, he was afraid that he wouldn't see his brother again. Arthur pulled his mouth into a smile. Then he started down the hall, out of Charles' sight. As soon as Charles regained consciousness, he started running towards Arthur. As soon as he got there he saw his brother's receding form. He shouted right after him and started running towards him. Then he heard his father's voice. He turn around and sees his father. "You're my biggest disappointment." "He died because of you!" "You should have taken care of him!" he shouted. Charles couldn't believe his ears. "You don't deserve the seat at Ferrari." "You're a loser!"  "It was Jules' seat!" He heard voices from all directions, but as soon as he covered his ears he realized that the voices were only in his head. He suddenly felt dizzy. He had to grab the wall. The voices were not silent. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. Arthur moved away, but there was nothing he could do about it. His father looked at him mockingly. "You should have died, not Arthur."

Charles woke up startled. Not yellow air. He had a panic attack. He was sobbing and his whole body was shaking. He kept hearing those voices. But it was his father's words that horrified him the most. What if he's right? He thought about it involuntarily.

Since then, he had often dreamed the same thing since that night. Sometimes he tried sleeping pills, but after a while it didn't help either. He was afraid. He was afraid that the accident would happen. He scared Arthur. He couldn't control his thoughts. If he had known, he wouldn't have always dreamed of this.

When he got drunk or took drugs, intentionally or unintentionally, he didn't dream about it, and if he did, he didn't even realize what was happening. He could not do this often, as the doctor always checked the condition of the drivers before the race weekend. It could not be revealed how much he drank or took drugs. Anyway, he didn't get kicked out often, and he rarely went to parties. However, when he couldn't bear one more horrible thing for the day, he drank. But he didn't dare to do it often, because he was afraid that his secret would be revealed. He didn't talk to anyone about the panic attacks or the nightmares.

Back to the present:

Max's pov:
Today was very tiring. We almost went to the beach. Then there was a storm, so we didn't go. And then came the game, in which we could learn more about others. Leclerc told a very interesting memory. I was a bit surprised. But many things were not clear. For example, what did they fall apart? Anyway, if I will be interested, I'll ask Pierre or Charles. I whispered "good night" to Charles, then turned off the light and fell asleep quickly.

I woke up that Charles yelling "No! That's not my fault!". I got up, switched on the small lamp and went to him. Charles was tossing and turning in the bed and either muttering or yelling. His t-shirt clung to his body with sweat. And he clutched the sheet tightly. I gently tried to wake him up. He only reacted to this by covering his ears and furrowing his brows. Now I tried harder to wake him up, because he ends up harming himself or waking up the others. Since nothing was working, I went to the bathroom, took a glass of water and poured it on him with noble simplicity. Well, that was evil, but it did no good. He sat up at this, but immediately got to his head and hissed.

- Is everything okay? - I asked a little worried.
-Um... of course... everything-he said intermittently. He was breathing harder and harder, his body began to shake. He had a panic attack.
- Hey, Charles, listen, there's nothing wrong. I'm here, you're safe! - I said calmly, but as if I was talking to the wall. Charles couldn't pay attention to me. He was still shaking. At that moment, I decided to put aside the previous rivalry and hugged him tightly. He rested his head on my shoulder and started to sob there. Until once he calmed down. I was too tired to go to my own bed and maybe I didn't want to go. And yes, I, Max Verstappen, slept with my biggest rival. I think I'm more attracted to him than I should be.

I was really worried about him. I found the last one quite strange as well. This is not what I expected from Charles. I'll definitely ask him what's up with him tomorrow.