I was now going to be my main focus.
What is it that I like and what do I want to do?
Sure it's fine if it's the same stuff she had liked to do, but it wasn't about her anymore.
It was about what I liked and I should be able to enjoy it on my own too.
I've spent a lot of time avoiding the mutual things we liked because the lingering memories would come back.
Despite having this new mindset I still felt like something was taken from me.
My heart.
It still felt broken and in pieces.
It was painful to talk to others and so I just avoided talking to other people entirely.
I'm on my own and it's just me.
Not true.
My family is there with me.
For over 5 years I had forgotten about relying on the love of my family.
I had also forgotten what it was like to be myself and to be selfish about my likes and dislikes.
Still...how can I connect and how can I trust.
I almost killed myself over her leaving.
I never want to be in that situation ever again.
I never want to get that close again.
I'll keep all of my friends at arms length.
