Falling for my team mate

Stop apologising

*Jess POV*

after i calmed down im the first to talk, Ella doesnt dare talk until im ready. she just holds me and doesnt let go, like shes scared of what will happen if she does. 

Jess- im sorry 

Ella- you dont need to be. just talk to me

Jess- i was ready Ella, i was gonna try again 

Ella- its not the way Jess. you have to fight through it 

Jess- i pushed her away Ells, im scared next time she will be gone for good

Ella- she wont Jess, shes going to stick by you with this 

Jess- but for how long Ella, i cant bring myself to explain to her, so instead i hurt her over and over again 

Ella- im sure she understands Jess, this would be hard for anyone to deal with. just try to get some rest. 

after saying that i dont respond, i just let my sleepiness take over me. i woke up in the same position in Ella's arms, she had sat and held me all night and i could tell that she didnt go to sleep herself. 

Jess- you didnt sleep? 

Ella- i wanted to make sure you were okay.

Jess- wheres Jordan?

Ella- slept in Leahs room, Leah told her that we needed some time 

Jess- oh my god Leah! i need to talk to her! 

Ella- shes down at breakfast, ill text her

*messages between Ella and Leah*

Tooney- shes ready, she wants to talk x

Leah- ill be up in 2 minutes x

*End of messages*

Ella- shes coming up, ill leave you two to talk 

Jess- please stay.. until she gets here? 

Ella- okay im here 

Leah gets up no sooner than 2 minutes later as promised, shes out of breath so Ella waits for her to catch her breath before getting up and leaving as Leah comes and sits in front of me. 

Jess- Ella? 

Ella- yeah?

Jess- thank you 

Ella- anytime, come find me after?

Jess- i will

Jess- im so sorry about last night Leah 

Leah- dont be Jessie, youre not pushing me away, im not going anywhere, i know its hard to talk about it and I dont know what happened last night and i dont expect you to tell me, not until youre ready, it doesnt matter whether its hurting me, its not your fault it just hurts me to see you hurting and not allowing me to help you through it. you dont have to do this alone Jessie and for the love of god stop apologising 

Jess- how did you know..? 

Leah- the walls are super thin, i heard you telling Ella last night. im not going anywhere and thats a promise. 

we sit for a while watching tiktoks on Leah's phone, neither of us say a word, we just sit in the comfortable silence between us, the only sound coming from her phone. 

Jess- i need to tell you, now, or else ill never do it. 

Leah- im listening, take as long as you need

Jess- last night, i dont know why i was so down, i shouldnt have been, i should have been happy, and part of me was. its just the part of me that wasnt took over. after you left i cried harder than i ever have before, seeing the hurt in your eyes when i pushed you away just made me so angry at myself. i decided i couldnt do it anymore and that i wasnt going to. i got up to go to the bathroom and... thats when ella came in, somehow she knew exactly what was going through my mind and just hugged me until i calmed down and fell asleep. 

Leah- oh jess, i wish i could help ypu 

Jess- you already do Leah, in so many more ways than you will ever realise

Leah- that may be true but not when youre feeling so bad you want to end it all

Jess- but i didnt end it all, i was saved from that. you told Ella didnt yiy? 

Leah- yes. and im glad i did! i knew you werent going to talk to me and Ella has been through everything with you since such a young age. if anyone was going to get through to you it was her or Georgia, she was the first person i found of the two

Jess- thank yoy Leah, i dont even know what i would have done if she hadnt have come in when she did

Leah- i dont want to think about it. how about we have a movie day, ill text Ella and ask if we can use her room? you dont have to face anyone today, not until youre ready to. 

Jess- yeah that sounds good, thanks Leah, i love you 

Leah- i love you, im so glad to have you 

Jess- dont know what id do if i didnt have you 

We go into Ella's room with her approval and binge watch so many films. by the time we know it its 6pm, dinner time. i couldnt bring myself to eat but i didnt want to stop Leah. 

Jess- you should go eat

Leah- no im okay, im not hungry 

Jess- Leah, go. now. ill be fine

Leah- are you sure, i can get one of the girls to come sit with you?

Jess- Leah im fine darling please go eat. 

she very hesitantly leaves the room to get some food. about 10 minutes after she leaves Keira and Lucy knock on the door. 

Jess- come in

Keira- Leah said you might want some company 

Lucy- oh drop her in it why dont you 

Jess- *smiles* come on in, i would love some company 

they try their very hardest to make me laugh or smile or even just feel something. i found out that Leah had told them that i didnt feel well and hadnt told them the true story which i was thankful about, i dont want to be broadcasting to the whole team the events of last night, just Leah and Ella knowing was bad enough, i didnt want the rest of the girls checking on me every 5 minutes. 

A/N- the first chapter of the new story has been posted. It's called "My missing Piece". A new chapter will be posted later on today, I will also be carrying on with this story too x

words- 1048