Most Valuable Parent (MVP #1)

13 - Exhausted

I stand up, opening the door and peaking my head out. Brinley is sitting behind the nurse's station, twilirling her chair around in a circle. "Hey, Brinley,", I whisper yell and she looks up at me, "come here.". She stands up and starts to walk my way before she's coming into the room. I sit back down on the bed. "Wil- Will you just... Sit here with me, for a minute?" I ask nervously.

A soft smile appears on her plump, cupid's bow shaped lips. "Of course." She closes the cartoon animal printed curtain.

She walks over, sitting next to me on the bed. "Do you want to talk about it? You know, friend to friend. Not parent to doctor?"Friend to friend. I had just been friend-zoned.

"Sure." I say quietly.

"Talk to me." She says, reaching over and squeezing my hand.

What I wanted to say was: I don't want to be your friend. I want to take you out on a date. Then, I'd like to take you home, and fuck you real good. But what I really said was: "I think I'm gonna go with the surgery. It's the best option. I mean, why would I keep making my kid go through chemo that isn't working." I let out a deep breath, "She's already lost her hair, I don't want to see her keep going through that. Not to mention, the bone pain. The easy bruising, shortness of breath, and endless nose bleeds." I start listing every symptom and side effect, "Or the injections and endless shots. I mean I've watched my daughter get poked and prodded for a month now. Not to mention the first time around." I say feeling tears start to form in my eyes.

"I'm exhausted. Brinley, this is killing me." I say, finally letting all of my emotions out. She wraps her arms around my neck as I find myself sobbing on her shoulder. I've never cried in front of anyone. Not that I cry that much, but, again, my three year old daughter has cancer. Not to mention she's my only daughter.

"Christian..." She runs my back soothingly. "I'm so sorry."

My heart was crumpling into a million pieces as Christian cried in my arms. I knew this wasn't normal for him. He didn't strike me as the kind of person to cry a lot, let alone in front of someone.

But, as someone who tends to bottle their own emotions up a lot. I know what it's like when the bottle is too full, and it pops open and spills out.

"It's okay. You're okay." I whisper, slightly rocking back and forth. After a couple more minutes he calms down, still gripping the back of my scrub shirt tightly. "You're okay. Charlie's gonna be okay." I say, my hand slowing down on his back.

We stay there for another couple of minutes. I honestly never wanted to leave.

"Sorry..." He says, pulling away from me and wiping his eyes.

"Stop. You don't need to apologize, you're going through the unimaginable. Cancer sucks." I say, my hands now on his shoulders. "Didn't shave your head, huh?" I ask, ruffling my hands through his hair.

"Charlie wouldn't let me. She said that just because she no longer had any, doesn't mean I should get rid of mine. She's embracing it, it's cute." He says, a cute smile on his face.

"She's the bravest three year old I know." I say, grinning over at him. "Are you okay, Christian?"

He nods his head, "I am now. Thanks, by the way." He sends me a grateful smile.

"No problem, that's what friends are for."

And there it is. That dreadful word. I keep saying it, trying to read his expression when I say it. But he's stayed neutral every time.

"Do you need a minute?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"I'm okay..."

"Okay." I nod, "Hey, I was thinking. When you're in town, you guys could start staying with me, instead of having to pay for a hotel every time. I mean, I know money isn't an issue, it just might be nice and more comfortable." I suggest.

"That'd be great. Plus, Charlie would kill me if I said 'no'." He answers, softly chuckling.

"Okay. What time are you guys heading back tomorrow?" I ask.

"Sometime after lunch." He says and I nod.

"I'll stop by before you go, if I can."

"Sounds good."

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