Love, Kulu

THREE

"This is bullshit Mami, I will not agree to it."

"You will not talk to me in that manner young man, because you are old enough now that doesn't mean you will disrespect me. I am still your mother." I clenched and unclenched my fist.

"I am sorry for disrespecting you Mami but I can't agree to this." She sighed and patted the space next to her on the bed. I settled down and tried to calm my nerves.

"I know it's not easy getting married almost immediately after the death of your wife and to her sister for that matter." I listened to her carefully.

I just knew it!

"The elders decided that since Hauwa has been given the responsibility to take care of this child, it won't be fair for her not to have her father with her always." I covered my face and small drops of tears rolled down for the first time since we lost her.

"Safiyah was a wonderful daughter and wife, and I know without a doubt she would have been a good mother...." What an irony, she is being referred to in past tense. Such is life.

"You need to know that Kullu nafsin zaikatul maut, every soul shall taste death and it was Safiyah's time. The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss but you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself and you will be whole again In sha Allah if God wills." I nodded all through and I felt that maybe, just maybe, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

I informed my mother that I will be going to see my daughter and then I phone my best friend, Al-Amin to accompany me.

"Anty Hauwa, I heard that Yaya Turad will be coming to see baby Noor." My heart skipped a bit. Wait! Why?

I mean why did my heart suddenly sunk. He is her father and it is high time he sees his daughter.

I nodded and we gave Noor a birth, dressed her up and feed her milk. Thank God I have knowledge on babies if not, that will be a strong point for mama to make sure I don't take care of baby Noor.

I took pictures of her together with Janan until I got interrupted with an incoming video call. I left Janan and answered the call.

"Sameerah baby." I waved at my best friend when her face popped up on my screen.

"You forgot about me." She pouted and I shook my head. "Sameerah you know I can't forget about you, most especially because you are taking care of my baby." She rolled her eyes and I chuckled.

Sameerah Ahmad is my childhood best friend. She is one of the few people I can tolerate and I listen to. When I had to leave for France, she supported and even followed me, even tho she is also a model. I don't know what I would do with that idiot but I can't tell her that, her head will swell. She is the crazy best friend that I can always count on and I know will always have my back no matter what.

"Well you didn't call so I presumed you have forgotten about us." I sighed and shook my head.

"Mama wants to start her drama that's why. A lot has been happening I don't even know where to start from."

"Well start from the beginning." I narrated everything to her and she kept shaking her head.

"Wallahi, I just don't understand why mama does this. This is so un Islamic and bias." I shrugged.

"I couldn't care less." She frowned and I know I am about to get scolded.

"Don't even start that Jiddah, you care. Stop acting like you have a heart of stone. You are human and you are meant to feel things and I know without a doubt it disturbs your heart but because you choose to be a stubborn person. Ahh, okay ohh. That's your own cup of tea." I smiled.

She is one of the few people who call me Jiddah and can see through me.

"Enough about me, where is my prince?" I asked and she called him over.

"Mami!" The little boy of about 5 years squealed as his face appeared.

My heart literally melted as I gaze lovingly at those beautiful eyes. I have missed him so much. I can't believe I hate the sperm donor with all my heart but absolutely love this child and will take a bullet for him. I had come to understand that motherhood is the greatest and hardest thing, I gave birth to him but he came with no instructions. All I know is that I loved him long before I saw him.

"How are you my baby, I hope you are not stressing your aunty?" I asked and he shook his head.

"What did I tell you about lying?" Sameerah asked and he sneakily smiled and ran away not after shouting that he missed me.

"Thank you Sameerah for taking care of......"

"Don't you dare complete that sentence." She scolded and I smiled.

We ended the call and I got dressed in an ankle length polka dot summer dress and then tied a vintage scarf on. I was watching Noor in her swing while scrolling through my instagram feed.

"Yaya Turad is here." Janan called and I nodded and picked Noor carefully so she doesn't wake up.

I walked into my father's sitting room and Mama, Anty, Turad and his friend Al-Amin were all present and making small convos.

I looked at mama and she sent me a look disregarding what I was wearing and I mentally rolled my eyes. This woman will never change.

"Good afternoon." I greeted and sat next to Anty.

They both replied. "Ya Karin hakuri?" Al-Amin asked and I replied and asked the same to yaya Turad.

"Hauwa take Noor to meet her father." Anty commanded and I nodded.

I walked over to where they were seated and he stared at me which made me uncomfortable. Turad Danbatta is too quiet, too mysterious and too handsome. I don't like how I feel when his eyes are on me. It makes me all shivery and strange.

When I handed his daughter to him, his hands brushed mine and believe me, I felt that spark.

This can't be happening!

Well, it's been a while
I am not sure if I am fully back but we will see