Summerguard

CHAPTER 41: Absence of Mind

"I'm only at the door," Nicky follows.

Paxton pinches the bridge of her nose, her eyes squinted hard in difficulty. Lightly, I place my hand on her forehead. She grabs my wrist, but when she realizes my innocent action, she drops her grip. 

"You're burning up. I should really call for a doctor to do a proper assessment now that you have woken up," I said. 

I get off the bed and hurry to get to the doctor. She's awake, but it is as if I am talking to a completely different person. I need to know why. And I think, the two need to have a proper chat.

Before I could walk off, her hand grasps my wrist. It is demanding me to stop, so I stop. I turn around to look at her. She looks at me pleadingly, but also with suffering and heat rising in her body. 

"Stay, please," she barely says above a whisper. 

Stay. I have been waiting so long for this moment. No war, no guns, us with each other when we need each other. I sit.

Paxton turns to look over my shoulder and resumes her death stare. 

"You. Leave," she fumes.

Amira stands awkwardly, trying to not be phased by her daughter's malevolence. 

"Paxton, I'm your mother. Please, let me explain," Amira pleads, tears brimming like a film of dew on a broken mirror. 

"No, you don't get to say that anymore. You're not my mother. You don't get to talk to me anymore. You don't get to ruin my life again. I can't with you. I have been trying to talk. I have been trying to reconcile with you for so long, but you ignore me and nothing you say will ever make me forgive you," Paxton says without any falter, as if this truth, these words have been in her for so long, like a bottled up memory waiting to be spoken to her audience. 

And now she has the stage. But her audience does not understand that.

"Paxton, please. Just give me a chance," Amira sobs, the words clearly getting too much for her. 

I hold Paxton's hand. She needs this. It only took me a bit to realize, but she needs this. And she has been waiting a long time to get all of this pain off her chest. Not anger, pain. And what can I do but be there for her? To support and tell her she's not alone.

"NO! You never gave me one, and I don't think I will either. LEAVE!" she points at the door and finally, Amira leaves with tears and wails that would break any person's heart. 

Paxton collapses her forehead into my shoulder, her neck hanging limply. Oh no, I feel a terrible fever even as it seeps through my shirt. Should I let her rest? But I have heard studies that say that while sleeping with head trauma, it could be life-threatening. I don't know what to do. I am a businesswoman, not a doctor. 

"Paxty, talk to me. Come on, love," I pat her cheek to keep her awake. 

No, I can't lose her again. Come on. Come on. Don't fall asleep. 

"I'm so tired. I'm so angry and miserable and unhappy and I just want to be at peace. I just want to be happy."

She sobs into me and I only cradle and listen to her.  

"I wouldn't cry anymore. I wouldn't let her or anyone hurt me again. I wouldn't because I am strong. I got stronger without her or anyone. I'm strong," Paxton repeats over and over again. 

"Shhhh. Yes, you are. The things you are capable of," I hush her softly. 

She beats her fists into my chest, pulling at my shirt. I clutch her tightly allowing her to let out her emotions.