Summer Fling. // k.n.j

4.

"Hyung, you like her even before you learned you like her. That's obvious"

Namjoon laughed as they washed the dishes. Jimin and him had volunteer to help clean dinner, as Mrs. Son went to talk to her husband. Apparently Chaewon's father is not rude to guest, except Namjoon so everything is fine. They were left alone to clean the kitchen and dishes.

"That time, it sounds bad to like someone's fiance"

"It has always been bad, Hyung. You were just trying to hold onto your morals than fighting it. Remember your fight with Yoongi Hyung?"

"Fight?"

Jimin eyes him, a puzzled look on his face as Namjoon blinks at him. When he realises what the man is implying, he sighed and close the faucet. "He was right you know. He definitely is right"

"He don't mean to hurt you, Hyung. He was frustrated, and he blurted it out. But you were better than him. You didn't push Chaewon away," he say gently and Namjoon nodded, smiling so painfully it breaks the younger heart. Clearing his throat, he held Namjoon shoulder with his dry hand.

"Go and see her before you sleep. We need to leave early tomorrow. I'll finish this"

Namjoon walks in the room, where Chaewon is laying down with a machine beside her, beeping for her pulse. It has been almost two years. Why is she not waking up? He stood beside her, and before he know, he had fall to his leg, kneeling down at her side as he reaches for her fragile hand.

"Chaewon," he calls, dreadfully, as he rest his forehead at the back of her palm. Yoongi words echoes his thought. How it is his fault for making the woman he love so dearly at the brink of death, and now with no definite chance to wake up. He took a deep breath, holding back his tears as he spoke what he had wanted to, but had been cooped in his heart to make him stronger. To make him act stronger for the sake of himself.

"I ruin you with my lies, with all those facade. But I never dare say that we should never met. Because you were mine back then, Flower. When I hold you in my arms, when I kiss you in our room, when I make you laugh with my stupid jokes, you are mine. In my eyes, you look like mine. You fitted to be mine. And I was yours, for all those memories we share, I am definitely yours"

Namjoon is trembling, but he continue. "I should have told you many times, I should have said that I love you, should have make you happy with me, not leaving me scared. We promise that, don't we Flower? We promised each other to leave what is in Malta when you want to leave, but here we are, the past tying me back to you and you are paying the biggest consequence of my action. I don't want to make you to be just in my ending credits. I want you to be the whole story of me, the sweet plot drowning everyone who sees it. Flower, I don't want to just leave trails on you. I want to walk along with you, with every trails we left behind us."

"You are my world, my life, and I never love someone so hard it kills me, crumble me to the mess I never thought I will be in, Flower. You took me away with you. And I lied. I lied about wanting you to be happy with another man back then, when I had imagine those countless time that I was the one waiting for you at the aisles. I should have shove away fears and meet you the moment I came back to Korea, but even the thought of you, crying and afraid of me leaves me to a hopeless despair."

"When I saw you again, after so many months, nearly years, God I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to hold you and tell you that I love you, again and again. Hoseok told me, I should only come to you for forgiveness . Forgive me Flower, but I don't want what we had to be a mistake. I was smitten to the core, when I should apologise for lying. Or I should get mad for you leaving with a letter. Han Chaewon, I was and am madly vexingly in love with you. But I let you go again"

This time, his voice croak, his tears fall down to his cheeks as his breath hitched, ragged from the sobs. He want Chaewon to wake up, to tell him that she's here, that she wont leave him again, that she loves him. Even for one last time. Because Namjoon can't hold back the feeling of her lying down hopelessly. She was supposed to be separated from the life support, but Han Taehyun had spend all his saving to buy the machine itself along with it's monthly service because he is sure his daughter will wake up one day.

He even push all his relatives who begged him to shut it down, to not make Chaewon suffer from his ignorance. But he didn't. It's his only child and daughter. He can't let Chaewon go. Namjoon knew it. Mrs. Son, Chaewon mother had told him when she called that Chaewon will be brought home for them to take care. And he choose to be by Mr. Han side. To wait and wait.

But now, all he want is her to stop this endless wait.

"Han Chaewon, I almost have you in my arms. I had revised the whole two page vows. I had gone through all dictions and grammars to say it to you when we were about to get married. But the minute you were supposed to be mine, you slipped away. And it's my fault. Again and again. I keep making mistake. I lied to you that it will end. That is has ended. And I let you rot with it. So please, Flower. My beautiful Flower, Han Chaewon. Wake up, please wake up. Even not for the sake of me, but for your parents. I won't lie to you, won't come close, won't even try to make you mine if that's the cost of you waking up. All I need you now is to open your eyes. Please, please," he begged, and for a while, only sobs and cries is heard. He prayed to every god out there, for his beloved to wake up because the guilt is overpowering all his sense. Because Min Yoongi is right.

"It may be easy for you Namjoon to let the woman you fall in love with back then slipped away from your hands and is in comatose now all because of you but it wasn't for me"

Because Yoongi didn't hurt Yerim, in fact he protected her when he denies his feeling to the woman. All Namjoon love did was put a bullet to the woman he love. It was as if death had always followed them when they are together. He is more in willing to let her go, if that will ensure her safety. But he keep coming back, and he can't stop himself.

It hunts him, the white gown soaked with blood, Chaewon looking at him with an expression, one Namjoon will never forget. It is painful, and laced with sadness. A hint of love, and hurt. Her cold hands reaching for his cheeks, mouthing I love you, Namjoon before she falls to a slumber of death. That was the last memory of her he had alive, and Namjoon can't have that anymore. If crying blood will make her wake up, then he will do it.

Because it's his fault. Had always been his fault. Had been written to be his fault. And he has no way to fix it.

"Namjoon, shushh," someone says as he is pull into a warm hug, and he instantly know who it is. Mrs. Son. She rubbed the young man back, whispering sweet words to the man.

"You have cried a lot. Alone. Now soften your heart for a while after those rushing emotions, and tell me what's bothering you," the woman says, gently it broke Namjoon dam as he trembled in her arm. "I'm sorry," he says, croaking words and Mrs. Son nodded. A sad smile played at the elderly lips, her heart wrenching at the sight of Namjoon crying over her daughter. She had heard everything, she had wanted to check on her daughter the last time before going to sleep, and saw Namjoon crying at Chaewon bed.

"I never found a reason for you to apologise to me, Namjoon. I always sees you as my own son, and I definitely never agreed on the cold shoulder Chaewon's father is giving you. But I can't let you go home, feeling sad and hopeless. Namjoon, it's never your fault. Even if it is, it would never be. Because you love my daughter, and I love her too. And you are now my son. It's never your fault, those men can't leave you alone, and leads to this"

"But-"

"There's not but, Namjoon. That's all you need to know. That's all you need to believe. Because if it's your fault, my daughter won't keep you a secret before. Because she don't want you to be the blame. That's what love do to us. We become blind, and it's bad. But it hints goodness too. So don't apologise, because she will never like that. She will wake up, and everything will be fine"

"Will she?," He look up to her, and Mrs. Son teared up. Because Namjoon looks like a lost child, eyes full of tears of hope. And Chaewon had been that chile before.

"She will, my dearest. She have to."