Best of Both Worlds

Chapter Thirty

A piercing scream escape me as I shot up from the bed, covered in sweat. Nicholas hovered over me with worry etched over his features. Kosiso began to cry from the nursery, my screams had woken him up. Nicholas patted my shoulders and left to take care of the baby. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rocked myself on the bed. My knees knocked against each other as I trembled.

After two minutes, when the shaking had stopped, I got out of the bed and trudged up to the adjoining bathroom. My reflection stared back at me in the mirror. There were dark bags under my eyes, my skin looked flushed and my eyes were dull. I released a deep sigh as I turned on the faucet and splashed water over my face.

I lifted my eyes back to the mirror and the overwhelming need to break down into tears washed over me. I gripped and bent over the porcelain sink as my body was wracked with sobs. What is going on with me? I couldn't go an hour without crying or feeling overwhelmed.

Nicholas emerged behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I turned around and allowed myself to be hugged by him. He ran his palm along my back and whispered soothing words into my ear.

"Is it the nightmares?" he whispered, his jaw pressed against the top of my bonnet.

I nodded, my eyes closed and my face still pressed up against his chest.

"It's okay," He continued to run his hands along my spine. "You're okay"

I pulled in a deep breath and released a shaky one as I pulled away. I sniffled and wiped my face with the pad of my fingers then muttered. "Thank you,"

I headed back into the room and Nicholas followed behind me. I stood and glanced at the rumpled sheets on the bed. I wasn't sure I'd be able to go back to sleep. I could feel Nicholas's gaze so I cleared my throat and walked over to the side of the bed. "Is the baby asleep?"

"Yeah, he was just a bit startled" he replied

I nodded and lowered myself unto the bed. "Thank you," I glanced back at my pillows and smoothened the creases on the sheets.

"Do you want me to stay here with you?" Nick asked, his eyes softly gazing down at me.

I moistened my lips and shook my head. "No, it's fine. Thank you"

"Are you sure?" He took a few steps closer to the foot of the bed. He saw the hesitation in my composure and added. "Nothing has to change between us"

My shoulders sank with exhaustion as I lifted my eyes to him. I slowly nodded. "Okay,"

He moved towards the opposite side of the bed and laid down. I laid down on my side and placed my hands beneath my face as I stared at the wall. I closed my eyes and evened my breathing until Nicholas's soft breathing sounds filled the room. I reopened my eyes and stared blankly at the wall. I couldn't sleep after that.

I had been having nightmares about the elevator birth for the past two weeks. In my nightmares, I was back in the elevator, only this time it was dark. I was screaming and banging against the metal doors, every single time. When I got to the part where I'd start pushing was when I'd wake up. It was terrifying. On some nights, I wouldn't sleep until the morning came through but the nights I did fall asleep, I was plagued with horrifying nightmares.

I stayed awake till the morning light began to filter in through the curtains, and then I got up. Kosiso was fast asleep when I peeked into the nursery so I decided to clean up around the house. I needed to keep my mind occupied. There was some baby stuff lying around in the living room, it was a good enough place to start.

The last two weeks haven't been easy for me. Since I left the hospital and moved in with Nicholas, I'd been crying a lot lately. It could be for the smallest things or for no reason at all. It wasn't just crying though, I was moody all of the time. I didn't have an appetite for food and eating felt like a chore. I didn't feel like talking to anyone as well and I wanted to be alone all the time. I felt overwhelmed and anxious all the time like I was waiting for something bad to happen but it just wasn't happening.